


Humans are the real monsters.

by Xbertyx



Series: Al what are you hiding related works. [7]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Multi, Terminal Illnesses, Thorns of Death, demon contracts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:00:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 18,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4853879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xbertyx/pseuds/Xbertyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate universe of Al, what are you hiding?</p><p>At the end of Eric's shift (last collection of the night), he finds a homeless boy (Alan) being kept as a sex slave in a run down house in London. Will he be able to help the boy come to terms with his troubled past and move on? </p><p>When he begins to fall in love with this boy, can it end well? A reaper loving a human, what a strange circumstance. </p><p>Based off of Al, what are you hiding? If you haven't read the first 33 chapters of that, this won't make sense. </p><p>Alan is a human. Everyone else their normal reaper selves. Claude was reborn a reaper after escaping Hannah's body. Just because I wanted to keep my pairings the same as the original Al story.</p><p>Thoughts in italics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted the reaper realm to be posh.

***Eric's Pov***

 The blonde reaper lit a cigarette and placed it between his lips, as he read from his ledger. 'Jim Marken, strangled by a Mr Jacob Black. 9.46pm, December 12th.' He glanced at his wrist watch, finding that he had two minutes until this collection. He'd have to smoke quickly.

 Dropping the but to the floor, he ported to his destination - A grimy house on the outskirts of London, surrounded by drug dens and strip clubs.

 He found a brunette on the floor, dirty hands around his neck, as he took his last breath. Eric's scythe was raised and struck down into the male's chest. A cinematic record fluttered around him. Once collected, he was about to slide his scythe back under his coat, when he heard the murderer speak again.

 "What are you staring at? Little tart!" The man grabbed a small teenager from behind the sofa and slammed him down onto the carpet. The teenager yelped in pain, as his back hit the ground sharply. He began to sob, as his legs were pulled open and he was violated.

 Eric felt his anger bubble. His scythe was quickly raised again and stabbed through the man's back, straight through to the other side. Not that mortal eyes could see such a wound.

 He gasped, pulling out of the teenager and clutching his chest, before he fell to the ground at his side. Eric collected his cinematic record. Not on the to die list but it wasn't the first time Eric had broken the reaper law on killing people not on said list. Quite a few murderers and rapists had met their end in such a way.

 The boy let out a short scream, confused and horrified by the recent events. He scooted back against the nearest wall, cowering against the brick. Eric appeared in front of him, bending down to face him. "Wha' be ya' name, lil' one?" He asked, smiling softly.

 The teenager flinched, pressing his back firmly to the wall. On seeing the blood coating Eric's scythe and face, liquid ran between his legs. He stuttered "What .... are you? A ... monster?"

 Eric shook his head. "Humans are tha' real monsters, kid."

 "You ... killed Jacob?"

 "I did tha'."

 "Are ... you going ... to kill me too?"

 "Na. Not a lil' cutie like ya'." The teenager blinked at him, before reaching a hand out to rub at Eric's crotch. "Eh, stop tha'." I don't want tha' kinda' stuff from ya'. I'm not a dirty perv like tha' monster. I jus' wanna' help ya'."

"O ... oh."

 He looked at the boy carefully, seeing that he was a small brunette, with hazel eyes and glasses. On closer inspection, he noticed the bruises and cuts lining his skin. "Do ya' need ta' go ta' tha' hospital?"

 "No ... I'll be okay."

 "Hmm, okay. Ya' got a place ta' crash?"

 "No ... I ... I'm homeless."

 "Where are ya' parents?"

 He looked away. "They ... aren't around anymore."

 Eric's eyes glinted, an idea coming to mind.

 "Ya' can stay at mine then. I don't 'ave any other company livin' there."

 "No ... I couldn't ... I ..."

 "Don't be silly. Come on, it's freezin' in here. Ya' gunna' catch ya' death if ya' stay." He took his coat off, leaning forward to wrap the clothing around the boy's shoulders.

 "Okay ..."

 "What be ya' name then?"

 "A ... Alan."

 "And how old ya' be?"

 "Six ... teen."

 The reaper frowned for a moment. This boy looked too small to be that age. "Well, let's ge' ya' home then." He gathered the boy into his arms, who tensed, before relaxing again. This man was so nice and warm. He wasn't expecting what happened next, as he was ported across town and into the reaper realm.

 The sky wasn't black but a strange dark green and the ground not pavement but marble. Flowers grew from the cracks in the stone and all of the buildings were made from white and black checkered brick. "Where ... are we?"

 "My home land. Better than tha' smelly streets of London."

 Alan began to shake in fear again. "You ... really aren't human, are ... you?"

 "Nope. Once but not now. Don't worry though, no harm will come ta' ya' here." He turned to a large steel door, small checkered squares painted on the metal. Fiddling in his pocket for his key, the large metal item shaped like his scythe was fitted into the lock and the door flung open. Still holding Alan, he kicked the door shut behind him and carried him over to the sofa in the living room.

 "Ya' should go take a bath or somethin'. I'll find ya' some clothes out, though they are gunna' hang off of ya'. Incase ya' ain't noticed, I'm twice tha' size of ya'."

 "A ... bath would be nice." He tried to stand up but pain shot up his back and he fell to the ground with a whimper.

 Eric scooped him up again, taking him up the stairs, to the bathroom and plonking him on the toilet seat. The bath tub was also marble, the tap and plug hole a worn gold. Eric ran the bath, tipping bubble bath into the water.

 After a few minutes, he checked to make sure it wasn't too hot. "Alright, ge' in, kid."

 "I ... can't. I ... it's painful to move." Eric eyed him sadly, slipping the coat from off of his shoulders and easing it from him. He picked Alan up again and placed him carefully in the bath.

 "I'm gunna' pop out and ge' ya' some pain killers, kid. Ya' gunna' be alright on ya' own?"

 "Yes ... thank you."

 The blonde moved back down the stairs and grabbed his wallet, before porting to the human world again. Reapers didn't require pain medication.

 He came back fifteen minutes later and grabbed a large bed shirt and shorts from his wardrobe. Moving back into the bathroom, he found Alan asleep, head resting against the side of the tub. _At least ya' got ya'self cleaned up first._

 The boy was carried to the bedroom and dried off. Not wanting to disturb him further, he placed the boy under the covers and got changed himself, sliding under the other side of it. "Well, goodnight kid."

 A reaper and a human living together, what a strange circumstance to find oneself in.


	2. Eric.

****Eric's pov***

 Eric woke up to find a whimpering Alan snuggled into his side. That's when he felt wetness against his leg. _He's had another accident?_

 The boy woke up with a start. "Where ... am I?" He looked up to see Eric eyeing him. "O ... oh."

 "Ya' alright, kid?"

 "Yeah."

 "Ya' wet ya'self."

 Alan's eyes went wide. "I ... I'm sorry, I - please don't ... hurt me."

  _What a weird thing to say._ "Didnt cross my mind. Jus' go ge' washed up."

 "I - okay." He tried to get out of bed and whimpered.

 "Still in pain?"

 "Yes ... can you ... help me to the ... bathroom?" Looking down at himself, he said "I'm still ... naked?"

 "I didn't touch ya' or anythin' if that's wha' ya' worried 'bout. Ya' jus' fell asleep in tha' bath and I didn't wanna' wake ya' up by gettin' ya' dressed."

 "Oh."

 "Ya' think I'd fiddled wi' ya' in ya' sleep?"

 "I - no ... I didn't ... know why." Eric scooped him up and took him to the bathroom, where he ran the bath for a second time.

 Moving back to the bedroom, he stripped the sheets off and took them downstairs to put them in the washing machine. Getting changed and putting new covers on, he picked up the change of clothes for Alan and headed to the bathroom again.

 "All clean?"

 "Yeah ... thank you." He helped Alan to stand up and dried him off, before lifting him out of the bath. "It ... hurts to stand up.".

 "Back ta' tha' bedroom we go then." Once in the room again, Alan eased the bed shorts on slowly, wincing in pain ever time he had to move a leg. Then Eric helped him into the shirt, buttoning it up for him.

 Grabbing a large towel, he folded it in half and placed it on Alan's side of the covered mattress. "Jus' incase ya' 'ave another accident."

 "I ... I'm sorry."

\-----

***Alan's Pov****

 Eric helped him into bed and slid in the other side. "It's fine. Does ... it happen a lot?"

 "Yeah ... every night."

 "Bet tha' Jacob guy wasn't nice 'bout it."

 "No ... he wasn't. He ... used to beat me up ... for it."

 Eric turned on his side to look at him. "Bastard. Ya' 'ave nightmares, right?"

 "I do."

 "Wanna' talk 'bout them?"

 Alan looked away. "N ... no."

 "Alright." He moved closer, wrapping an arm around the boy's waist. Alan flinched. "Hey, I'm not gunna' hurt ya' or mess wi' ya' or anythin'. Jus' want ya' ta' know tha' whatever these nightmares are 'bout, ya' don't have ta' worry 'bout them anymore. I'll protect ya'."

 "O ... okay." _He's so ... soft and warm._

 "Want me ta' let go of ya'? I can go sleep on tha' coach if ya' want?"

 "No ... it's ... your bed. I'll move if you ... want ... me to."

 "Stay. So ... want me ta' let go of ya'?"

 "No ... it's okay."

 Eric pulled him closer, falling to sleep quickly. Pressing his face into Eric's chest, Alan also succumb to sleep.

 -----

  _Good morning on this wonderful Saturday. The weather today is ... well how it always is on a weekend, warm and sunny. If you're unfortunate enough to be in work today like we are, let's get the morning off to a great start with some Linkin Park._

 "Eurgh ... fuckin' mornin' already?" Eric untangled himself from Alan and smacked his alarm clock, turning the radio off. "Mornin', kid."

 "M ... morning. What ... did they mean by its always warm and sunny ... on a weekend? It never rains?"

 The blonde stretched. "Hn ... no. Monday it always snows a tonne. It's hot as hell on a Tuesday. Thunder storms Wednesday. Freezing cold Thursdays. Rains buckets Fridays and nice and sunny on the weekend. Every week, fifty two weeks a year."

 Alan looked over at the clock to see that it was six in the morning. "Why ... is it light out? It's winter?"

 "Never goes dark. Always like this. Whether it rains or snows or is sunny. It's always tha' same."

 "Oh."

 "Don't like it?"

 "I do. I ... I'm scared of the dark."

 "I see." Eric left the room to get showered and changed and then moved downstairs. He came back ten minutes later, tray of bacon and eggs in hand. He placed it down on Alan's lap, once the brunette had sat up. "Ya' could do wi' some grub."

 "I ... I'm not hungry."

 "Oh. I guess after last night ya' would lose ya' appetite." He moved the tray onto the bedside table. "How are ya' feelin'? Still in pain?"

 "I ... am. I ... don't even know your name? You said ... you used to be human. So ... you have a name, right?"

 "Eric." He picked up the painkillers and a glass of water from the tray. "Here, take these."

 Once Alan had swallowed them, he said. "What ... are you ... exactly? No ... I - that's rude to ask."

 Eric smiled at him. "Na, not rude. Do ya' really wanna' know?"

 "Y ... yes, well I think ... so."

 "I'm a Grim Reaper."

 The boy paled noticeably. "A S ... Shinigami?"

 "Ay. That's wha' tha' Japanese call us anyway." He eyed Alan. "But ya' don't look Japanese ta' me."

 "I ... just like that ... culture."

 "Alright. But yeah, we have ta' harvest souls on tha' ta' die list. Send them on their way like."

 "O ... okay. Jacob was ... supposed to die ... last night anyway?"

 "Na. I jus' can't stand rapists. Dirty fuckin' bastards. Not like anyone is gunna' miss him. World's a better place wi'out scum like him. I have ta' go ta' work now anyway. Happy reapin' and all tha'."

 "Oh ... okay." _Someone else ... died because of me._

 "Ya' gunna' be alright on ya' own?"

 "Yes ... thank you."

 "Awesome. Once them tablets 'ave kicked in and ya' can move a bit better, ya' free ta' do whatever in tha' house. Watch TV, make ya'self somethin' ta' eat or read. I think I 'ave some books somewhere. Do whatever ya' want."

 "Thank you."

 "I'll be back in eight hours." He bent down to pull Alan into a hug. "Take care of ya'self. Seya later." With that he ported out of sight.

 Alan's cheeks flushed. _He ... he's so nice._


	3. But Sascha is my one and only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Au where Sascha is the partner who died of thorns. He moved from Germany to London. I think it's a guy, at least in my own mind. From chapter 105 of bb.

 Alan lay back down in bed, still feeling exhausted. It was nice to be able to sleep without worrying that someone would assault him in his sleep. Now, he could catch up on some much needed rest. _It's ... weird but ... I feel so safe here. I'm ... just scared that I'll get him hurt. Everyone always dies ... around me._

 He turned over and pulled Eric's pillow close, inhaling the smell of the material. The scent of cigarettes mingled in with raspberry shampoo was still strong. _He ... smells amazing._

 By the time Alan woke up again, it was just past midday. _So ... I think he went to work for seven ... he should be back at three. Why ... is my heart beating faster at that thought?_

 He shifted from the bed, his bum and back still hurting somewhat but not enough to prevent him from walking. Looking around the room properly, he saw that there were beams on the ceiling and that everything was a navy blue. Bed covers, furniture, walls, everything.

 Taking slow, careful steps, he made his way downstairs. The staircase was navy, as was the carpet. Small squares of navy and royal blue. The kitchen had the same colour marble counters and the cupboards also had that hue. It seemed well kitted out, with an oven, toaster, kettle and microwave. A small island stood at its middle.

 He made himself a cup of black tea, hoping that Eric wouldn't mind and headed into the living room. More blue; two two seater sofa's, a television and bookshelf stood in the room.

 There was a window looking into the garden, a small lawn and a few trees all that stood there. As Alan surveyed the area through the glass, he realised that the trees had purple trunks and light lilac leaves. The grass was a bright turquoise colour. _It's so much nicer here than in ... the real world. I ... must be dreaming. Maybe ... I'm still at Jacob's._

 Plonking his cup of tea on a navy coaster on the navy coffee table, he went to peak at the books on the shelf. Nothing took his interest. A few cookery books and football magazines. _They have football here?_

 Moving to the sofa, he sipped at his tea. Soon, tiredness overtook him and he fell into a deep sleep again.  
\-----

***Eric's Pov***

 "Darling, I smell human on you." A redheaded reaper said, as she approached Eric in the break room.

 "Afternoon, Grell."

 "So this human? Have you found yourself a new partner?"

 A grunt left Eric's mouth. "No. I just found the kid in a bad way, so I took him in. He probably won't stay long. Ge' homesick for tha' human world."

 "I didn't know that you had fatherly instinct. How old is he?"

 "Sixteen."

 A wide grin appeared on her face. "Then he is not a child, darling. I bet you have eyes for him."

 "No."

 "Well ... what does he look like?"

 "Like Sascha. Jus' like him. Tha' hair, tha' glasses, everythin'. Only difference is tha' Alan is a lil' taller."

 Her smile vanished. "I see. Is that why you took him in? Because he looks like Sascha?"

 "Hell no. I did it because it was tha' right thing ta' do. He was bein' kept as some sort of sex slave by tha' looks of it. Killed tha' bastard keepin' him there and offered tha' kid a place ta' stay. He was homeless. Wha' else could I 'ave done?"

 "So you don't have a thing for him then?"

 "No."

 "Why? If he looks so much like-."

 "Because he isn't Sascha! I loved - love him more than anythin' else in tha' world. I always will."

 "But darling, he died so many years ago. What is it, almost fifty years ago? It's time to move on and-."

 "I'll never move on! I ... I don't like tha' kid in tha' way."

 She flashed him another grin, handing him his coffee. "And yet, I don't believe your words." She swayed out of the room, leaving Eric deep in thought.

\----

 ****Alan's Pov****

 "Wakey, Wakey, lil' one." Alan's eyes fluttered open slowly, to find Eric smiling down at him.

 "Oh ... hey. Sorry ... I fell asleep."

 "Then ya' be a tired lil' one. How ya' feelin'?"

 "I'm ... okay."

 "Pain gone?"

 Alan shifted on the sofa. "It's ... not as bad."

 "Good. Could do wi' sortin' those scrapes out though. I 'ave jus' tha' thing." He left the room and returned a short while later, with a pot of cream in hand. "Us reapers use this ta' heal cuts up a bit quicker. It should work for a human too."

 "Cuts?"

 "Ay. We ge' a lot of injuries on tha' job. Normally when some idiot decides to hit ya' with their scythe, instead of aimin' for tha' dead person. Takes us like a day ta' heal from normal cuts and twice as long from scythe cuts. But ya' know, no one wants ta' look cut up on a date or somethin'."

 "Oh. So ... that big stick thing ... is a scythe?"

 "Yup." He opened the tub of cream, to reveal a shiny, runny, bright green substance. "This might sting a bit." He dipped his fingers in it and rubbed it into a cut on Alan's cheek. "Don't worry, I washed my hands. Alright. Strip off for me."

 "W ... what?"

 "Not in a rude way. I think ya' had a nasty cut on ya' back last night."

 "I - okay." He took the oversized shirt off and turned to lie on his front on the sofa. Eric applied the cream. "Does ... sting."

 "Sorry, kid. Alright, that's all rubbed in. Sit up for us." He rubbed the cream into a few cuts on Alan's chest and stomach, before looking at his arms. That's when he saw the white and pink scars lining them, something he hadn't noticed the previous night. He placed the tub on the coffee table and took one of Alan's arms in his hand, the fingers on the other rubbing over the scars lightly. "Ya' did this ta' ya'self, huh?"

 "No ... I didn't."

 "I ain't dumb. I'm sorry, kid."

 Alan frowned. "What ... for?"

 "For not finding ya' a lot sooner, before ya' hurt ya'self like this. Ya' must 'ave had life tough tha' past couple of years."

 "You ... don't have to ... apologise."

 Eric smiled sadly at him. "At least ya' will be safe now and hopefully, ya' won't feel tha' need ta' hurt ya'self."

 "I ..."

 "If ya' ever need ta' talk 'bout anythin', like if anythin' is troublin' ya', I'm all ears. Seriously, I've seen people wi' scars like this end up killin' themselves. I don't want tha' ta' happen ta' ya'."

 "Th ... thank you for ... caring."

 "No probs." He finished using the cream and went to put it back, as Alan put his top back on. On entering the room again, he sat next to Alan. "If tha' cream works, we'll go and buy ya' some clothes tha' actually fit tomorow."

 "Thank you." _He ... cares about me? Really?_


	4. Stop being silly.

****Alan's thoughts in italics.****

 It was now night time and Eric smiled at the smaller man. "Ge' ya'self in tha' bath. Don't want a smelly bum in my bed."

 "O ... okay."

 He washed and came back into the bedroom. Eric was already tucked in, back turned away from Alan's side of the bed. The brunette climbed in, clad in an oversized pair of night clothes. "You don't eat a lot, do ya' kid?" The blonde asked.

 "I ..."

 "Do ya' 'ave an eatin' disorder or somethin'? 'Cause I've seen plenty of people die of those too. More and more in recent years."

 _Did he really ... just ask me that right out?_ "I ... don't know."

 Eric yawned. "Well I jus' hope whatever it is, tha' you'll feel better soon. Ya' feel safe here, right?"

 "Yes ... really safe."

 "Good." He turned on his back, motioning for Alan to come closer. The boy did, snuggling into Eric's side, as a strong arm was wrapped around him. "Night, kid."

 "Good night ... Eric."

\-----

_Alan was lifted up against a wall, legs wrapping around Eric's waist, as the reaper entered him. Alan moaned loudly, head pressing back against the wall, nails digging into Eric's back._

_The blonde continued to thrust into him harshly, the friction between them drawing Alan close to climax. With a loud moan, he released between them. "Hmm ... Eric."_

\----

 The boy shot up in bed, panting heavily. Reaching between his legs, he was thankful that he hadn't had another accident. _What ... a weird dream. I ... I'm such a slut. That's ... what Eric wants though, isn't it? What ... everyone wants._

 Eric stirred. "Hn. Ya' alright, kid?" Without answering, Alan climbed on top of him, grinding his hips down on Eric's crotch. "Wha' ... tha' hell do ya' think you're doin?"

 "What ... I'm good at, apparently." He suppressed a gasp, when he felt an erection growing against his entrance, through three layers of clothes.

 "Well ... stop it."

 Alan didn't listen, instead bending forward to suck on Eric's neck. _This is ... what he wants anyway. At least ... if I do this ... he won't try to force me ... into it. It ... won't hurt as much then._ He shifted back slightly, rubbing Eric through his pants. A grunt slipped from the blonde's mouth, before Alan was shoved off onto the bedsheets.

 "Wha' tha' fuck has gotten inta' ya'?"

 Alan blinked at him. "I ... thought you ... wanted ..."

 "Eh, no. I keep tellin' ya' tha' I ain't some dirty bastard." He pulled Alan close again. "I'll never ask ya' for shit like tha'. I ... jus' want ya' ta' be happy." Rubbing Alan's back soothingly, he chuckled. "Plus, ya' not really my type, kid."

 "I'm ... sorry. Did ... I make you angry?"

 "Nope. Jus' stop bein' silly, okay?"

 "Okay."

 "Hn. Tired." Soft snores soon came from his mouth. Alan cuddled closer to him, resting his head on his large chest. _But ... maybe you are my 'type'. Whatever ... that is._

\----

 Morning came and Eric brought Alan breakfast in bed again. "Try ta' eat some today. Ya' gunna' need ya' strength for clothes shoppin'."

 "Thank ... you, Eric." Alan ate a few bites of Eric's pancakes. The _se are really yummy._ He managed two out of the four small pancakes, before he began to feel sick. His stomach wasn't used to food. _Guess ... I didn't deserve to eat in the first place._

 "Hey, are ya' alright, kid?" Eric asked, seeing how Alan had turned paler.

 "I'm fine ... just really full."

 "Alright. Jus' sit still for a bit and you'll feel better soon."

 "Thank ... you. Eric?"

 "Hmm?"

 "Why ... is everything ... blue in the house?"

 "I'm a fan of tha' Chelsea football team. Tha' bright blue colour of tha' shirt was a tad too bright for all of tha' house though. Football is tha' only thing I prefer 'bout tha' human world."

 "Oh ... I see."

\-----

 A few hours later, they got ready to go shopping. "We'll shop in this realm. Clothes are better here than tha' human world. To be fair, so is tha' technology. We've had televisions for like a century now."

 "Oh. Can I ... ask how old you are?"

 Eric smirked. "Way too old for ya'."

 Alan could tell that he was just making a joke but inside it hurt. _But ... I lov - like you, no matter your age._ "Will the shops even be ... open Sunday?"

 "Yeah but only for a few hours, jus' like in tha' human world."

\-----

 "You don't ... have to buy me so much." Alan stated, as Eric payed for the clothes in the third shop. Alan took a xs to a s in clothes here. The shops were much the same as in the human world, though they were also made from checkered brick, each shop a different mix of colours, unlike the black and white homes.

 There were no staff working there, just computerised security and self serve checkouts. Reapers were far too busy reaping to work in shops. The only exception were the volunteers using their spare time up voicing the radio and reporting on news channels. Plus a few people acting in their spare time on soaps.

 Music had been taken from the human world, as had cartoons and other TV shows. Reapers had long ago found a way to tap into satellites, even from a different realm.

 Alan had been brought a lot of different coloured jumpers, some t-shirts and jeans and a few pairs of converse type shoes.

 They finished shopping and Eric headed to the supermarket. "Need some beer and cigs. Want any food or anythin'?"

 "No ... I'm fine."

 Eric brought his items and left the shop. Turning to Alan, he spoke. "Oh by tha' way, kid, ya' gunna' 'ave ta' go ta' tha' doctors tomorow, when they are open in tha' human world."

 "What ... w ... why?"

 "In case ya' caught HIV."

 "Umm ..."

 Eric eyed him. "Unless they all used protection on ya'?"

 Alan cast his eyes downwards, suddenly feeling filthy. "No ... they didn't."

 "Then ya' need ta' go. I 'ave a late shift, so I'll come wi' ya' in tha' morning. Sex clinic and all tha'."

 "Okay ... thank you." _Am I not his type ... because he thinks I'm dirty? I ... am._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Alan, having a wet dream.


	5. Sascha.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunky dory = fine.  
> Owwie = used where I come from as another version of 'ow, that hurts.'

****Eric's past and Pov***

 Sascha came home, dropping his camera on the kitchen table and bracing himself against it. It would be his last day of work, his illness having almost reached its end. The thorns of death, caused by cinematic records attacking the reaper collecting them, were nearing his heart, draining the last bit of life force from him. He'd be dead in a few weeks, a month tops.

 Eric heard him enter the house and went to find him. On seeing his pale, shaking partner, he scooped the smaller man up and headed to the living room.

 "Good evening, hun." Sascha smiled up at him, voice weak from exhaustion.

 "Evenin', babe. How was work?' He sat them down on the sofa.

 Sascha coughed violently, before replying. "Hunky dory."

 "Awesome." He kissed the dark haired male on the forehead. "Ya' freezing." He took him upstairs, switching the electric blanket on and helping him out of his work clothes. Sliding a pair of his own large night clothes onto his partner, he helped him into bed.

 As it began to warm up, Eric pulled him close. Sascha began to cough again, before gripping his chest, pain overtaking him. Pressing his head into the blonde's chest, he began to cry. He was never one to show weakness but the pain was getting worse by the day, being almost unbearable now. Past cases of reapers with thorns had proved that pain medication had no affect on such agony.

 "Ah. It ... hurts. Ow ... owwie." Eric rubbed his back soothingly, trying to stop his own tears from falling. Words slipped away, being replaced with cries and whimpers of pain.

 After a while, it passed and the smaller man looked up, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. He beamed at Eric. "All better!"

 Eric smiled back, though inside he felt anything but happy. Sascha always seemed so carefree, even at times like this. "Good." _But ya' will never get better ..._

\------

****Present. Eric's Pov.****

 "Let's see ya' wi' ya' new clothes on then." Eric smiled, as they got home.

 "Okay." Alan hurried off, bag in hand. He came back into the living room five minutes later, dressed in a purple jumper and baggy jeans. "Do ... I look okay?"

 "Yeah, lookin' good, kid." The world beautiful came to mind but Eric quickly pushed that thought aside. Grell's words were still grating away at him. He didn't have a thing for Alan, did he?

\-------

 Alan and Eric were now in bed, the brunette having just been for a bath. He'd managed a bit of lunch and dinner, though didn't feel worthy of such food. The blonde pulled Alan into a hug and the teenager asked. "Eric? "

 "Yeah?"

 "Do ... you think I'm ... dirty?"

 He frowned. "Na. Where ya' ge' tha' idea from?"

 Alan hid his face in the other's shoulder.

 "Because ... of the HIV."

 "Don't make ya' dirty. Even if ya' 'ave it, I don't think tha' 'bout ya'."

 "Oh ... okay. Do ... reapers get HIV?"

 Eric chuckled. "Na. We don't get human diseases and we live ... for ages." _Apart from Sascha. He died ... far too soon. He was meant to be with me forever ..._

 "I see."

 "Let's jus' go ta' sleep, okay? We got a busy day tomorrow."

 "Did ... I say something wrong?"

 "Nope. Jus' tired from all of tha' shopping."

 "O ... okay. Good night, Eric."

"Night."

\-----

 ****Alan's Pov****

 Alan had been given medication, to prevent the HIV from infecting him. He'd taken the first dose and as they returned home, he began to feel sick from them. "Ya' alright?"

 Alan shook his head. "I think ... the tablets are kicking in. Feel ... a bit neasous."

 "Ah, shit. Want me ta' stay wi' ya' today? I can probably ask a friend ta' cover for me."

 _You would do that ... just for me?_ "No ... I'll be okay."

 "Ya sure?"

 "Y ... yeah."

\----

 Eric left for work sometime later, doing a 12-8pm shift. Alan curled up on the sofa, still feeling sick. After a while, he felt a little better and decided to see if there were any decent books around the house. Scanning the bookshelf again, he found nothing of interest. Not until he opened one of the drawers at the bottom of the unit and spotted a photo album.

 He knew that it was wrong to be nosey but curiosity got the best of him. Opening the first page, he saw Eric with a bunch of other reapers. A redhead, a blonde and a tall man with slicked back black hair.

 Flicking to the next page, he saw Eric with the other blonde again. He had to stifle a giggle at that picture. The two were obviously drunk. _He still looks kind of hot though - wait, what?! Moving on ..._

 The next picture only peaked his curiosity. There was a short, dark haired man in the photograph, who didn't look much older than Alan. _He kind of looks ... like me._

 Flicking to the next page, his brow furrowed. The pair were kissing. _Oh ... he's gay? But ... why isn't this other person ... with him now?_ The following picture showed them dining out together and then one of them cuddled up on the sofa. It was obviously an ex partner of his. _I thought he said ... that I wasn't his type? But I ... look like this man?_

 Feeling slightly confused and hurt, he put the album away and went to lie back down on the sofa. _So If I am his type ... he said I wasn't because ... he finds me disgusting. I am ... disgusting._ Tiredness overtook him again and he soon fell asleep on the sofa.

 By the time he woke up again, it was 7pm. A loud slam startled him, as the door was banged open. _Eric isn't supposed to ... be home yet?_

 The three reapers he'd seen on the first picture appeared in the living room. "See. I told you that Eric dear had brought a human home with him." The redhead cooed.

 "How utterly moronic."

 The blonde looked between his two friends and then over at Alan, who looked terrified.

 "Hmm ... well that's interesting alright." He moved over the Alan and bent in front of him. "Hey, buddy. Tha' name's Ronnie."


	6. Drop it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric gets irate.

***Eric's past and Pov***

 It had been two and a half months since Sascha had stopped working. He'd held on for much longer than expected, telling Eric that he didn't want to leave him any time soon. The two were in the living room, wrapped up in a blanket to keep Sascha warm even thought it was a sunny Saturday.

 "Can you make me pizza?" The smaller man asked, skin pale and eyes ringed with darkness. Even with the illness, he still had a large appetite.

 "Sure." Eric carried him to the kitchen, not wanting to be parted for even half an hour.

 "Same toppin' as always?"

 "Ja." Eric smiled at him. He always had loved Sascha's accent.

 Once the pepperoni pizza was made, Eric plated it and placed it on the table in front of him. "Thank you, daddy bear." He beamed.

 The blonde shook his head. "Still wi' tha' stupid nick name, huh?"

 "It is not stupid. It suits you well." He eyed his food. "Pizza looks yummy."After eating, he rubbed his full stomach. "Hmm ... so good. Like a last supper, no?"

 Eric frowned at him. "No ... 'cause this isn't ya' last night."

 "It is." His smile faded. "I guess sometimes people know ... when it is their time."

 "Sash, no-."

 "Never mind that. I'm sleepy. Can we go to bed?"

 "Yeah ... okay."

 He was carried up to bed and they both snuggled up together under the thick covers. "Ich liebe dich."

 Eric placed a kiss to his forehead. "I love ya' too."

 "I'm so tired." He said, eyes slipping shut. Eric pulled him closer and he fell to sleep quickly. The blonde looked down at him. _Please don't leave me yet. Please just fight on till tomorow._

 Sascha passed away in the night.

\------

****Alan's Pov****

 Alan didn't answer, still eyeing Ronald with panic. "Hey now, don't be scared. We ain't gunna' hurt y'." Receiving no reply, Ronald asked. "What's y' name?"

 "A ... Alan."

 "My, he sure is a cutie." Grell moved to Ronald's side, smiling down at Alan. _What's ... with the ... sharp teeth?_

 "I still don't know what Eric was thinking bringing a human into our realm." William stated bitterly.

 "Oh, Will. Don't be like that. It's not uncommon nowadays for reapers to bring humans here out of love. It's so romantic if you ask me." Grell replied.

 "L ... love?" The human stammered.

 "Yes, darling. Though Eric hasn't admitted it yet of course. He's still too hung up on Sascha dying."

  _What? So that ... guy in the photo died? I thought reapers didn't die._

 "Hmm ... poor guy." Ronald stated.

 Grell looked at Alan again. "I do see what he meant though, this boy sure resembles Sascha in some ways."

 Before Alan could reply, a fourth reaper appeared in the living room. "Sorry I am late. The first supermarket was all of of Stella." He pulled a can of beer from the bag he was holding and moved closer, to pass it to Ronald. Spotting Alan, he said "We have a human in our midst? How lovely, I remember when I used to devour souls like you for breakfast. Being a reaper isn't nearly as much fun as being a demon."

 Alan gasped. "A ... demon?"

 "Honestly, Claude. Why did you have to say that?" William asked, irritation latched into his voice.

 Ignoring him, Grell stated. "Yes. He used to be a demon some time ago. Can't have reapers without demons also."

 "Eh, babe. I think y' scared him even more." Ronald said to Claude.

 "Give him a beer. That should settle his nerves."

 "No ... thank you." Alan said.

\------

***Eric's pov.***

 Eric came home, to find Alan cowering on the sofa. The poor boy didn't know where to look. Either at Ronald pressed under a shirtless Claude, hand in the dark haired man's underwear or at the scary women with the sharp teeth or at the man with the frosty glare.

 Eventually, Eric got them all go leave, a very drunk Ronald slung over Claude's shoulder. "Ya' alright, kid?" He asked, looking at a shaken up Alan.

 "I ... I'm fine."

 "Those four are harmless really. Ya' will ge' used ta' them."

 "Eric?"

 "Hmm?"

 "I thought reapers couldn't die ... but your ex?"

 "I said tha' they couldn't die of human diseases."

 Alan eyed the floor. "Oh. How ... did he die?"

 "I don't want ta' talk 'bout him."

 "Oh, okay. But he ... looks like me? That's what ... Grell said. Do you think -."

 "I said fuckin' drop it!" Eric shouted. "Jus' shut up 'bout him!"

 "I'm sorry ..I didn't-."

 "Jus' 'cause ya' look a tad like him doesn't mean I'll ever like ya' in tha' way! Tha' why ya' keep tryin' ta' jump on my dick!?" Alan stared at him, tears glistening in his eyes. "I'm goin' for a shower. Don't bother me for tha' rest of tha' night." _No one could ever replace my Sash, could they?_


	7. But you're a lot like him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Put the English translation in brackets though only the German is on the grave stone.

***Alan's Pov***

 Alan let a sob slip from him. _I ... really upset him. Why do ... I always say and do the wrong things?_ Moving to the kitchen, he found the sharpest knife possible and pressed it to the skin of his arm. Soon, long gashes appeared and blood dripped into the sink. Still, it wasn't enough and cuts were added to his stomach. _I'm such a ... waste of space. He ... will probably kick me ... out soon anyway._

\----

 Upstairs, Eric took a quick bath and got dried off. Once changed, he ported away to somewhere he would usually go everyday. He'd neglected such a duty the past few days due to being busy looking after Alan.

 It was snowing outside, as it always did on a Monday, thick blankets covering the grass of the small reaper graveyard. Crunching sounds appeared from under large feet, as Eric made his way to one grave stone in particular. He knelt down in front of it, wetness soaking into his trousers, as his fingers graced over the carving in the stone under Sascha's name.

'Mögest du in Frieden ruhen, schönen Jungen. Du warst ein glänzender Stern, von vielen geliebt und zu früh genommen.' (May you rest in peace, beautiful boy. You were a shining star, loved by many and taken too soon.)

 A few tears slipped from his eyes. "Sorry I haven't been ta' see ya' in a few days. Things jus' got a bit hectic back home. It's ... not even a home anymore wi'out ya'." He moved forward, arms wrapping around the stone. "Fuck. I jus' miss ya' so much. Why ... did it 'ave ta' be ya'? Out of all tha' reapers here, why my Sash? I ... wish ya' could jus' come back." His face pressed to the stone, as he began to sob. "I need ya' so ... fuckin' much!"

\----

****Alan's Pov***

 Back at Eric's house, a strange feeling came over Alan and he turned around to face the kitchen. _I thought ... I heard Eric's voice? Do I lov - like him that much that ... I'm imagining things?_

 He jumped, when a few moments later, Eric appeared in the room. He didn't seem to notice Alan at first, moving to the kitchen table to light a cigarette from the pack that was placed there. Not until he looked up and froze. "Kid ... wha' tha' fuck 'ave ya' done?"

 The knife dropped from Alan's hand and he pressed his back against the sink, beginning to tremble. "I ... I'm ... sorry. I ... didn't mean to ... make ... such a mess." He stuttered, referring to the small spots on blood on the floor.

 "I don't care 'bout tha' mess. I'm more worried 'bout ya'."

 "But ... you ... h ... hate me."

 The blonde sighed, disposing of his half finished cigarette in the ashtray and standing up. "I don't hate ya'. Ya' did this ... 'cause I shouted at ya'?" Alan didn't answer. "Come on, was it 'cause of tha'?" A nod.

 Eric moved closer and Alan eyed the floor. "Then I'm the one who should say sorry."  
"W ... why? I - but I ... made you ... angry."

 "I jus' over reacted, I guess. It's a touchy subject. I'm sorry though."

 "I ... I'm sorry too."

 "It's alright. Look at me, I ain't gunna' hurt ya', promise."

 Alan slowly raised his head. "I ... I'm sorry for ... keep trying ... to 'jump on your ... dick' too."

 Eric cringed internally. "Yeah ... tha' was uncalled for. I didn't mean it. I ... was jus' upset."

 "Oh ... o ... okay."

 A smile graced Eric's lips. "Still mates?"

 "If ... you ... want to be."

 "Yep."

 "O ... okay." _But I don't want ... to be just ... friends._

 Another step brought Eric close enough to Alan to grab his hand. "These look nasty. Still, nothin' tha' cream can't fix. Go and clean ya'self up, okay kid?"

 "Yeah ... okay."

\---

 ****Both thoughts****

 Alan came into the kitchen again, a dark towel pressed to his stomach. "Umm ... Eric?"

 Eric looked up, cigarette pressed between his lips as he spoke. "Yeah?"

 "I ... can't get ... this one to ... stop bleeding."

 Cigarette disposed of, Eric smiled and picked up the pot of cream. "I 'ave jus' tha' thing."

 "Thank you."

 The cream was rubbed in, once Eric had washed his hands. _Hmm ... your hands are so warm._ To Alan's surprise, the cut stopped bleeding. It was then applied to the less severe slices. "All sorted."

 "Thank ... you. The ... cuts ... from before, I noticed that ... they didn't scar."

 "Really? Awesome. Ta' be fair, I wouldn't know. Us reapers don't ge' scars."

 "Do you ... think it ... will get ... rid of my old ones?"

 "Well it's worth a try. Kid?"

 "Y ... yes?"

 "I haven't seen ya' smile once since comin' here. Ya' not happy here, are ya'?"

 "No .... no. I am. It ... was just ... I was worried ... about earlier."

 "Ya' sure?"

 "Y ... yeah."

 "Then give us a smile."

 "W ... what?"

 "Come on. It's not tha' hard, is it?"

 Alan stared at him for a moment, before smiling sheepishly. It was then Eric's time to stare. _That's how ... Sash used to smile._

 Shaking that thought from his mind, he said. "I'll go and ge' ya' a bed time snack."

 "Oh ... okay." _Why though? After all the ... trouble I've caused you tonight, I haven't ... earned food._

 "Cheese and crackers okay for ya'? 'Cause that's wha' I'm in tha' mood for."

 "S ... sure."

\------

****Eric's pov****

 It was passed midnight by the time the two went to bed. Alan was snuggled up into Eric's side. "Woah. Another smile!" Eric teased.

 "It's ... because you're ... all warm and cuddly." Alan said sleepily. "Umm ... I mean - I'm ... sorry. I didn't mean -."

 Eric pulled him closer. "It's okay. Warm and cuddly, huh?"

 "Y ... yes."

 "Then hopefully ya' won't have a nightmare tonight."

 "I hope so too."

 Eric watched him as he fell asleep. _Why do ya' remind me so much of Sash?_


	8. Glass coffee tables.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah ... Eric, you really must control your anger. You have the same issue in the original Elan series. Your stupid actions will get you into trouble one day.

 Months passed and Alan began to settle into a routine. With Eric’s support, he began to eat more and hate himself less. It was mainly due to the fact that he knew Eric wouldn’t die because of his actions. He’d learnt that reapers could only die by the thorns of death or by being slaughtered at the hands of demons. Even around him, Eric would be safe.

 He’d also found that he was HIV negative, though the PEP drugs had left him feeling ill for a month.

\---

***Eric’s Pov***

 On a Sunday morning, Eric woke up to Alan held closely against his chest. “Wake up, kid.” _So cute – wait, what? No … he’s not._

 Alan’s eyes fluttered open after a few moments, still in a sleepy daze. “Hmm … has anyone … ever told you that you’re like a … big … warm teddy bear?”

 With a breath that stuck in his throat, Eric stated “Yeah … I’ve been told somethin’ like tha’ before.” _Sash … always used to say things like that._

 Alan fell to sleep again then and Eric eased himself from out under him, moving to take a quick bath. He then ported to go and see Sascha. Kneeling in front of the gravestone, he said. “Hey, babe. I’m back again. I … need ta’ talk ta’ ya’ ‘bout somthin’. There’s this kid tha’ I took in a while back and well … I think I ‘ave a thing for him.” He shook his head. “Na, never mind … no one could ever replace ya’. I shouldn’t even think ‘bout shit like tha’. Ya’ were and are tha’ only one for me. I love ya’, babe.”

\---

***Alan’s Pov***

 Alan woke up an hour later, being nudged by the reaper. “Come on, kid. We have things ta’ do on a Sunday, ge’ up.”

 “Hmm … o … okay.”

 “Ya’ know wha’ I’m talkin’ ‘bout, right?”

 Alan smiled sleepily. “I … do. Baking?”

 “Yup.”

___

 Alan and Eric were now in the kitchen, preparing a batch of cookies. Eric had been showing him how to bake every Sunday for the past few months and Alan was beginning to get the hang of it. Alan went to use the bathroom, as Eric finished putting the ingredients into the bowl. _His cooking is always … so good. I think that … I … love him. I wish … I could tell him. He doesn’t like me in that way though, does he? But then again ... he hugs me and cuddles me in bed and stuff. That’s what people in love do, right?_

 Once the cookies were prepared and cooled, Eric placed a few on a plate for Alan. Taking a few bites, Alan smiled. “So yummy. Tangy too, what -.” He began to cough, his throat closing up.

 “Kid? Ya’ okay?”

 “Did you put.” He gasped for breath. “Citrus … in these?”

 “Yeah … a few squeezes of orange juice. Makes it taste better, why?”

 “Crap … I’m allergic.” With that, he passed out.

\----

 He woke up a while later, in a hospital in the human word. “Shit … kid. I didn’t know tha’ ya’ were allergic ta' citrus fruit. I knew ‘bout tha’ fish and nuts - I’m so sorry.”

 Alan looked over at Eric. “It’s okay. Eric, why … are your eyes blue?”

 “Contact lenses. We use them in this realm so tha’ we don’t scare tha’ shit outta’ people.”

 “You … look beautiful. I – umm … I didn’t mean -.”

 Eric’s face fell. “I think tha’ ya’ still outta’ it. Ge’ some sleep.” With that, he was gone, leaving Alan to cry again.

_I … upset him again._

_\----_

***No POV***

 It seemed as if Eric hadn’t held a grudge, as by the time he came to visit again, he was back to his usual self. The next day, Eric was still at work when Grell came over to visit alone. “Is Eric not home yet, darling?”

 “No.” Alan replied.

 “Marvellous. I really want to speak to you about something.”

 “What … is … it?”

 “You are in love with Eric, aren’t you dear?”

 “I ….” Alan blushed.

 “It is quite easy to tell. Are you two together yet?”

 “No … we’re not.”

 “Why not? Go and ask him out!”

 Alan looked away. “He … doesn’t see me like that.”

 “Yes he does. I can tell, as can Ronnie. Stop waiting around, being a human, you’re life is far too short to waste time on being nervous.”

 “He does like me?”

 “Of course he does, even if he won’t admit it yet. Just tell him how you feel!”

 “I – okay … I will.”

 “How fabulous. I will have to speak to Eric about this also. Can’t have two love birds being apart for a moment more than is required.”

 “No … wait.” It was far too late, Grell having ported out of sight.

 She reappeared in Eric’s office, just as he was about to head home for the night. “Darling.”

 He turned to face her. “Yeah?”

 “Alan really loves you, do you know that?”

 “Straight ta’ tha’ point there, huh? No, I didn’t know and I don’t care. He’s jus’ a friend.”

 “But wouldn’t you want him to be more than that?”

 “No! I love Sascha and that’s tha’. I’d never leave him for anyone else.”

 “Darling, stop being silly. The dead cannot hold grudges and he would want you to be happy, even if it was with someone else.”

 She moved to cling off of his arm but was pushed away. “Jus’ fuck off! I … I don’t want him! I don’t fuckin’ love him!”

 “You really do. It is quite plain to see.”

 “Fuck ya’. Ya’ pissin’ me off.”

 “You are only irate because you know that I am right.” He grunted a response, before porting home.

\---

***Alan’s Pov***

 Alan looked over at him when he entered the living room and gulped, pushing his nerves back down. _It … it’s now or never, I suppose._ Alan hurried over to him, hugging around his middle. Eric smirked down at him. “Miss me, eh?”

 “No … it’s not that.”

 A frown appeared on the reaper’s face. “Had a bad day then?”

 “N … no.”

 “Hn … wha’ then?”

 Alan pulled away, to look at him. “I … I’m in love with you … Eric.”

 An instant scowl fixed on Eric’s face. “Don’t gimme’ tha’ shit.”

 “It … isn’t … shit. It’s true.”

 “Ugh, leave me alone!” He shoved Alan backwards, not realising the force of his action until Alan was thrown through the coffee table, a piece of the glass top sinking into his stomach.


	9. Memories through the glass.

 "Eric ... no, please." Alan stammered as he was shoved backwards against a wall. Eric smirked, moving forward to suck on Alan's neck and making the human whimper. Alan's pj top was pulled open, Eric's hand sliding down his stomach. "Stop ... it ... please." Alan's eyes squeezed shut, feeling the hand sliding into his pants.

\------

 Alan awoke with a start, sitting up and winching at the pain in his stomach and leg. Realising that he'd just had a nightmare, he quickly lay back down.

 "Ya' alright, kid?"

 He turned to face Eric, the reaper's blue contact lenses in place. Glancing around, he realised that he was in the hospital and remember what had happened. Being knocked backwards into the coffee table. Glass piercing his stomach. A large gash in his thigh. Blood, so much blood. Eric's shocked face as he hurried up to him and then the world fading to black.

 "I was really ... worried." Eric added.

 Alan turned his head away from him. "Leave ... me alone."

 "Kid, I didn't mean ta' - I don't know my own strength at times."

 Alan felt tears pricking at his eyes. "I ... told you that I loved you ... and you did that to me."

 "I'm sorry -."

 "You're no ... different from Jacob."

 "Wha'?! I'm nothin' like him! I didn't mean ta' hurt ya'!"

 "Just ... go. I'm obviously ... not good ... enough for you. I never ... will be."

 "Kid -."

 Alan began to cry. "Please ... just leave."

 Eric sighed and stood up. "Fine ... but I'll be back later."

 "I don't ... want that."

 "Then wha' do ya' want!? For me ta' say I love ya'?!" Alan didn't reply. "I can't ... do tha'. I'm sorry." Eric ported from sight.

\----

 He stood in front of Sascha's grave again, ground thick with snow. _Grell was right. I do ... love him. If I didn't ... I wouldn't have got so scared ... when I thought he'd bled out on me._

 "Sash, do ya' remember when I told ya' 'bout tha' kid I took in? Well ... I think tha' I love him. It's jus' ... I don't want ya' ta' be upset 'bout ... it. I ... need a sigh. Lemme' know ... wha' I should do."

 Eric stood there for hours, waiting for a sign. For a knock, for the snow to suddenly stop, anything. He received nothing of the sort. Eventually, midnight came and the snow melted, the scorching Tuesday sun its welcome replacement.

 Eric headed home to sleep, deciding to walk instead of port as a way to clear his mind. He took a route down a street that he knew well, coffee shops and restaurants at either side of him. Glancing at the closed buildings, he read the name of one of the cafés he and Sascha used to relax at frequently. That's when he remembered something.

***Flashback***

 Eric and Sascha sat in the café, pancakes placed on a plate in front of the smaller man. Eric tucked into his plate of pasta. "Eric?"

 Eric looked up. "Yeah?"

 "When ... I pass -."

 "Ya' won't!" Eric shouted, trying to deny the truth. Sascha had just been diagnosed with thorns.

 "I ... will. I hope it won't be for a long time but we both know that I will."

 The fork clattered down onto Eric's plate. "I ...."

 "When I do, I don't want you to be sad and I don't want you to feel alone."

 "Without ya', I'll always feel lonely."

 "I thought I would too when Rudgar was killed but I was wrong."

 Eric sighed. "Jus' wha' exactly are ya' gettin' at here?"

 "That you need to move on after I am gone."

 "I never could -."

 "Please Eric, I will be so sad if you get lonely."

 "Jus' drop it. Ya' not leavin' me."

 Sascha looked down at his plate. "Okay ... I will. Please never forget ... what I have just said though."

***End flashback***

 Eric had forgotten those words, pushed them to the back of his mind. That day, he didn't want to believe that he'd ever lose his partner. Those words had been lost completely when Sascha became sicker and the only things Eric could concentrate on were fear, worry and heartbreak.

 The reaper rested his head against the glass window of the café, tears dripping down his face. "Thank ... you, Sash. I don't wanna' ... feel lonely anymore. But ... ya' will always 'ave a place in my heart. Don't ... ever forget tha'."

\-----

 At 8pm that morning, Eric returned to the hospital to find that Alan was about to be discharged. His leg and stomach wounds had been stitched up the previous night.

 Eric stood near the front door of the hospital and waited until Alan left the building. On seeing Eric, the teenager quickly turned around and hurried as quickly as he could away from him. Eric caught up with him. "Kid, slow down or ya' gunna' pop them stitches."

 "I ... don't care. Just ... leave me alone." Eric's hand shot out to grab his wrist and in an instant, Alan found himself back in Eric's house. "What ... was that for? I ... don't want to be here. You don't want ... me here...."

 Eric dropped his wrist and moved close to Alan, wrapping his arms carefully around him. "I ... do want ya' here. I ... do love ya'."

 "You ... don't ... mean that."

 "I do."

 Alan shook his head. "Then ... why didn't you say ... that before?"

 A sigh was heard, before Eric spoke again. "I ... jus' couldn't ... move on."

 "From ... Sascha?"

 "... Yeah."

 "Then ... why now? That ... doesn't make any sense."

 "He'd ... want me ta' be happy. I jus' didn't ... realise it until now."

 "Oh. Do ... you really love ... me though? You ... aren't just ... settling for ... me? I ... I'm nothing ...special."

 "I do love ya'." One arm left Alan, Eric nudging his chin up with his thumb. "I really do." He pressed his lips to Alan's, the boy melting into the kiss.

\----

 If only Eric knew the reason for Alan reminding him so much of his first love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!


	10. Please don't leave me.

 Five months had passed since Alan and Eric had become a couple. It had taken the human a while to get used to open mouthed kisses and pecks to his neck, though he was now more comfortable around Eric. Still, he was beginning to feel depressed again, the pain of losing his family still weighing heavily on him.

 Eric had noticed his drop in mood and was beginning to worry for him. He was now just waiting for the right time to brotch the subject.

 Coming home from work, he found Alan bent over the kitchen table, arms folded on top of the wood and face pressed against them. Eric was beside his chair in an instant. "Kid - Al, everythin' alright?"Alan looked up, tears stains evident on his face. "What's tha' matter?"

 "Nothing ... I'm okay."

 "Ya' really not, babe."

 "It's nothing ... important."  
"It has ta' be or ya' wouldn't be cryin'."

 A frightened express fixed on Alan's face. "Dad ... no!"

 "Wha'? I'm not ya'-."

 "Go away!"

 "Al, wha'-?"

 Alan jumped up from the table, running to the stairway and up to their bedroom. Eric chased after him, catching up with him as Alan pushed the door open and grabbing his sleeve. It was yanked away from him. "Leave me alone!"

 "No Al, ya' need ta' tell me what' tha' matter is."

 "No!"

\-----

 That night had been spent with Alan curled up on the bed crying, Eric trying to comfort him. It was 4am before Alan had eventually fallen to sleep. He woke back up a little after 8am, seeing Eric eyeing him with concern. The reaper was the first one to speak. "Al, wha' happened last night?"

 "Last ... night?"

 "Yeah, ya' was cryin' and shout - ya' dad? Did somethin' happen ta' him?"

 "Oh. I ... I don't want to talk about it."

 Eric lay back down facing Alan, fingers stroking through a lock of brown hair. "I think tha' ya' need ta'. Whatever tha' matter is, ya' 'ave been really down lately. Wouldn't it be better ta' jus' ge' it off ya' chest?"

 "No. It ... really wouldn't."

 "Why not?"

 "Because you wouldn't understand!" He pulled away from Eric and stood up, storming from the room. Eric was surprised by the sudden outburst, though he realised that leaving Alan alone to calm down was probably for the best. Plus, he was due in work in half an hour and didn't fancy another bollocking from William for being late.

\------

 Eric was now on collection with Ronald, who'd noticed his unusual quietness. "Rik, what's up man? Ya' seem proper down."

 "Who, me? Nah, it's nothin'."

 "Yeah it is." Ronald leaned on the handle of his lawnmower. "Tell me already."

 "It ... it's Al."

 "Yeah? What's up wi' tha' kid?"

 "He ain't doin' so well right now."

 "Why?"

 "I dunno'. He won't talk ta' me."

 Ronald pondered for a moment. "Maybe he's jus' missin' his family. He's a world away, man."

 "Ron ... ta' be fair, I don't think he has a family."

 "Eh? Why not?"

 "Whenever I ask 'bout them he jus' says they ain't around anymore."

 "Oh, bummer."

 "Yeah ... but he did say somethin' weird last night."

 "Wha'?"

 "Screamin' 'bout-."

 "Wait ... sshh." Ronald frowned and eyed the surrounding area.

 "Wha'? Wha' is it?" Eric whispered.

 "Trouble."

\------

 Meanwhile, back over in the reaper realm, Alan was curled up on the sofa, thinking of what to do when Eric came home. To him, it was obvious that Eric was upset with him for his outburst. Why else would he have not said goodbye before leaving?

 Alan let out a sigh, cuddling a pillow closer to his chest. He wanted to tell Eric about what had happened when he was younger, about his family's demise, deep down knowing that he wanted to 'get it off of his chest'. He wanted someone to understand but thought that if he told Eric, the reaper would hate him for it. He was the sole reason for his family dying. How could Eric be anything but disgusted if he knew the truth?

 Alan was pulled from his thoughts a few seconds later when three figures suddenly appeared in the living room. He flinched and jumped off of the sofa. That's when he saw it and let out a gasp. Eric has been placed on the floor, Ronald leaning over him and William standing up. "Ah, shit." Ronald said. "How ... tha' fuck could this 'ave happened?!"

 "What ... what's goin' on?" Alan asked.

 "Demon attack." William stated. "No doubt that vulgar beast and the deserter had something to do with this."

 "Really?" Ronald asked. "Ya' think Sebastian had somethin' ta' do with this shit?" After Ciel's soul had been consumed in 1901, Sebastian and Undertaker had teamed up, creating carnage for reapers in the human world since then. No one at the association had ever figured out their motive.

 Alan heard Eric groan and rushed to kneel down next to him, seeing deep lacerations on Eric's stomach. "I ... I'll go get the ... cream."

 "Won't do any good." Ronald said. "He's ... been poisoned."

 "W ... what?'  
"Venom from a Kakritus demon's claws." William said.

 "Then ... you need to get him ... to the infirmary!"

 "Tha' won't do any good either. There's no antidote." Ronald said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "We ... we've lost a fair ... few reapers this way. Fuck!" He grabbed Eric's hand and gave it a squeeze. William had come on the scene just in time, saving Ronald from the same fate.

 "N ... no, he ... he can't die."

 "We do not know of reaper Slingby's fate yet." William said, adjusting his glasses and trying not to let his voice shake. "It depends on the amount of venom that he received and if he is able to fight it off."

 "Jus' hang in there, mate." He gave Eric's hand another squeeze.

 Another groan was heard and Alan dragged his gaze from Eric's wounds, looking up at his pale, sweaty face. "Eric ... please, please ... don't leave me."


	11. Will you fight and make it through for me tonight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeeeelllllsssss

 Eric had been ported up to bed and was now lying atop of the covers, whole body glistening in sweat, fever taking hold. Goodbyes had been said by his friends, still unsure of if they were needed.

 Now, around 7pm, it was just Alan and Eric in the room, Alan sitting on a chair at the side of the bed, holding one of Eric's clammy hands between both of his own. Once the tears had begun to fall, they refused to stop, Alan's shoulder shaking in the effort to silence his sobs.

 Head jolting to the side, Eric groaned again, eyes screwing tightly shut, hand gripping at Alan's. "Sash ... I ... I'm so sorry. I ... I couldn't pro ... protect ya'. This ... is ... all my fault. Sash! N ... no ... wake up! Babe! Please ... wake up!" Eric began to sob also, though Alan knew he was in a daze. William had explained the symptoms Eric would probably experience. "Sash ... why ... are ya' ... so much ... like Al, huh? Tha' ... fuckin' smile tha' ... both of ya' 'ave. So .... beautiful. Re ... reincarna ... tion or ... somethin'?" Nobody knew how right Eric was with that statement. Second reincarnation in fact.

 Alan pulled one hand away to check the damp cloth on Eric's forehead. It was still cool enough and his palm placed against Eric's hand again. His hand was quickly jerked on, the reaper gasping for breath and crying harder. "Al ... no! N ... not ya' too! Don't ... fuckin' go! Please ... I ... can't deal ... wi' another funeral. Ge' up!"

 Alan's sobs couldn't be quietened anymore, the human realising that Eric was beginning to hallucinate. He wasn't going to last much longer.

 Minutes that seemed like hours passed, Alan wishing that this was just all an awful dream. "Al! I ... love -." Eric's body tensed and then began to convulse. Alan's turned away, not wanting to witness Eric having a seizure. The venom had now flooded the reaper's brain completely, attacking vital cells.

 It lasted for over ten minutes, the sound of Eric's gags and splutters filling Alan's ear. It felt defening to him. As the seizure ended, the human let go of Eric's hand and climbed onto the bed, pulling Eric's arm tightly around him and resting his pounding head on his chest. "I'm so ... sorry, Eric. I ... I shouldn't have snapped. I ... should have just told ... you everything. I ... was just so scared. I ... don't want you ... to hate me." There was a small break in words. "I ... don't want to lose you. You can't ... leave! Just ... get better and I'll tell you everything. I ... won't hide anything anymore, I ... promise. I'll be ... a better boyfriend. Please ... just live. For me ... please." He looked up at Eric and saw how his skin had taken on an almost grey complexion. "No ... Eric. You ... can beat this! I ... know that you can. You just ... need to make it through the night, that's ... what Mr Spears said. So ... please, get through the night. I'm begging you!"

\--------

_Good morning on such an awesome Saturday. The weather today is ... erm ... as it always is on a weekend, bright and sunny. If your life sucks and you're stuck in work today like we are, let's get the morning off to a brill start with some Katy Perry. Good God, she is sexy._

_You have terrible taste, Paul._

_Hush!_

 Alan rolled over and turned the radio off. There had been no improvement in Eric's condition, him having suffered two more seizures through the night. Sweat had soaked through both his and Alan's clothes but the human didn't care, there was no way he was shifting from Eric's side.

 The reaper had not long fallen into a deep sleep, making no movement apart from the rising and falling of his chest. His partner had gotten no rest during the night and his exhausted body was about to cave, eyelids heavy. They slipped shut, sleep beginning to take hold no matter how much he tried to fight it.

 "Hey ... kid, wake up." Alan was shook softly and immediately jumped into a sitting position, eyes wide. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Eric rubbed his head. He'd broke through the venom's hold. "Man ... did I ge' pissed last night? I feel like shit."

 The human lunged forward, burying his face in Eric's neck. "I ... I'm so glad that you're ... okay."

 Eric groaned, his head thumping like crazy. "Wha' are ya' on 'bout?"

 Muffled words were heard against Eric's neck. "You ... you don't remember?"

 "Remember wha'?"

 "You were attacked, Eric, by ... a demon. Everyone ... was worried that you weren't going ... to make it."

 "Ah ... yeah, I ... think it's comin' back ta' me. Tha' ... claw hurt like a motherfucker."

 Alan sat up to gaze at him, a smile spreading across his face. "But ... you're okay now, that's all that matters."

 "Yeah ...." Eric paused for thought. "I remember ... somethin' else too I think."

 "W ... what?"

 "Ya' said tha' you'd tell me 'bout wha' was upsettin' ya'."

 "Oh."

 "So are ya' gonna'?"

 Alan bit his lips and then spoke. "You won't hate me ... if I do?"

 "I could never hate ya'."

 The brunette nodded slowly. "O ... okay. Well ... my dad, he ...."

\------

 Alan finished his last sentence, having already told Eric all about the abuse he had suffered and then detailing how his family had met their ends. Eric pulled him into a hug. "None of tha' was ya' fault. I'm so sorry tha' all of tha' happened ta' ya'."

 "It's ... okay."

 "No it's not. Ya' didn't deserve any of tha'."

 "O ... okay. So ... you don't hate me?"

 "Nope. Told ya' tha' I never could."

 "Okay." Alan shut his eyes to prevent his tears from flowing free. He didn't believe Eric's words. Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second reincarnation - Sascha reincarnated, died and then reincarnated again as Alan.


	12. Chapter 34. The re-run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you will know what will happen here. Just look at the title.

***A little over an hour later***

 A Chelsea football club mug was handed over to Eric, who was sitting up in bed. He still felt awful, body aching all over from the after effects of the venom. “Thanks babe.” He said, looking down at the steaming tea.

 “It … it’s okay.”

 “Ya’ alright?”

 “Yeah, fine.” Alan lied. He felt anything but okay, worried that Eric hated him for the things that he had done in his past. _He must … find me disgusting now, even more so … than before._

 “Good.” Eric drank his tea down quickly, glad for the warmth that it brought to him. The mug was placed on the nightstand.

 “Do you … need anything else? Food or -.”

 “Na. Jus’ come and give us a hug. I know I probs look like shit but hopefully I don’t look too scary.” He chuckled.

 Alan moved under the covers and snuggled close to Eric. “You … are still as handsome as you always have … been.” _And … far too good for me._

 “Cheers, babe. Ya’ pretty hot ya’self.”

 “I … I’m not.”

 “Ya’ really are.” Eric kissed Alan on the cheek. “So beautiful.”

 “T … thanks.” _Please … stop lying to me. I’m not. I never … have been._

 “Hmm … I should probs phone Ronnie, tell him tha’ I’m not dead.”

 “I’ll go and do … it. You … need to rest.”

 “Thank ya’.”

\----

 Eric and gone back to work the following day and three days had passed since then. Alan was finding it hard to cope with Eric knowing his past more and more each day. Today, it was just too much to cope with mentally. As the reaper was about to leave for work, he turned to Alan. “Ya’ sure tha’ ya’ alright?”

 “I am. You … keep asking me that.”

 “Yeah, ‘cause ya’ don’t seem fine.”

 “I am, I promise.”

 “Ya’ sure though? I’ll stay home today if ya’ need me ta’?”

 “There’s no … need. I’m fine.” Alan flashed him a fake smile. _Please … go to work. I … have things … that I need to do._

 “Alright then. Hey, kid?”

 “Y … yeah?”

 “I ain’t been ta’ see Sash for a few days. Wanna’ come wi’ me?”

 “N … no. He … wouldn’t like that.” _And I won’t be … around for it … either._

 “Na. He’d be happy tha’ I’m happy. Please?”

 “Oh … okay then. Sure.” _I … feel so bad … for lying._

 “Awesome, thanks. Oh … and if ya’ do need me, call me, okay?”

 “I … will.” _I’m … such a horrible person._

 “Alright. See ya’ later.”

 “Bye.”

\----

 As soon as Eric had left the house, Alan dissolved into tears. _Eric, I’m sorry … for the lies I’ve been telling … the past few days. For pretending that … I’m fine. I … just can’t do this. I can’t live with you knowing … all the awful things I’ve done. I … it's my fault. Just … because you don’t say that it isn't, it … doesn’t make it true. I … know that you said … you … loved me … and didn’t judge me for … my past but … I know that soon you’ll … begin to hate me … just like everyone else. You … you’re better off without … a disgusting failure like me. Everyone … who was ever close to me … got hurt. My … mom … my sister. All dead … because of me. You … might not die … but I’m … still causing you pain … just from being around you. I … can’t live with myself anymore. I can’t look you … in the eye or … hug you … or kiss you anymore, knowing … that you know._

_I’m … sorry for telling you that … I’d come and see Sascha with you. I know … how much it means to you – how much he means to you. He’s … too good to have to know … that you’re with someone as terrible as me. Because no matter what you say, you DO deserve someone ... so much better than me. It … doesn’t mean that I don’t … love you. I really do and … I always will. It’s … because I love you so much … that I want you to be free from … the heavy burden that is me._

 With tears that wouldn’t cease, he stood up shakily from the sofa and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper from a drawer in the room. A quick note was scribbled down. Short but heartfelt.

 ‘Eric. I’m sorry for burdening you so much. I hope that one day you’ll find someone who’s worth your love. Someone who will make you happy, someone who made you smile as much as I’m sure Sascha did. Please don’t visit my grave, visit his. He was so much better for you than I ever was. I’m sorry that I could never match up to him. I love you. I always will. – Alan’.

 The finished note was placed in his pocket and he shifted to the kitchen, grabbing some aspirin that Eric had gotten him some weeks ago from the human world when he’d requested them for a headache. Alan never expected to be using them like this when he’d asked for them but now he was glad for the tablets. Surely with these, his plan would work. The remainder of the packet was popped out and swallowed with a small portion of water, the taste making him want to gag.

 Waiting for them to take effect, he moved up to the bathroom and retrieved an unused razor. It was broken open, Alan snagging his finger in his shaking. _You will … probably … be the one to find me. I’m so … sorry._ A bath was then run.

 The wait was long and grueling but Alan knew that it was necessary. Finally, after he felt that enough time had passed, he pulled off his jumper and removed the note was his pocket. It was placed on the floor near to the bath and he then got into it, jeans and short sleeved top still on. Blade raised, it was pressed to the skin of Alan’s forearm and dug in deeply, blood sweeping out as the first horizontal cut was made, liquid dripping into the bath. _Soon … so soon, _I won’t burden … anyone anymore.__


	13. Chapter 35 - rerun.

 The door to the bathroom was thrown open, Eric darting inside just as Alan made the second cut. The brunette had been so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he hadn’t heard the commotion downstairs as Eric searched the house frantically to find him.

 Now, his gaze was fixed on the reaper, razor slipping from his hand. “E … Eric, what are ….”

 “Wha’ tha’ hell was ya’ thinkin’?” Eric didn’t sound angry. Confused and hurt maybe, his voice shaking. “Ya’ … idiot.” The reaper moved over to the bath, scooping Alan up. The brunette was frozen in place, unable to fight against Eric’s effort to save him. He was lifted from the tub and Eric sunk down onto his knees, placing Alan in front of him and grabbing his arm to assess the damage. “Kid … why?”

 Alan looked away. “I … I don’t know. How did you … know that I was ….”

 “It popped up in some guy’s ledger at work that knew ya’ was livin’ wi’ me. Now … tell me why.”

 “I … don’t know.”

 “Yes ya’ do!” Eric’s gaze shifted to his surroundings, hopefully for a certain item. He found the note on the floor not far from Alan and picked it up with his spare hand.

 “N … no, Eric … please don’t.”

 Eric’s voice dropped to a mere whisper. “Well ya’ not gonna’ tell me what’s wrong so wha’ choice do I ‘ave?” His eyes skimmed over the note and then fixated on one particular sentence. ‘He was so much better for you than I ever was.’ “Ya’ … idiot.” The note was dropped onto the floor again, Eric pulling Alan into a hug. “Don’t ya’ ge’ it? I need ya’. Don’t ya’ remember wha’ I said when I was sick?”

 “W … what?”

 “Tha’ I couldn’t bare ta’ lose someone else tha’ I loved before their time.”

 “You … remember that? But you were … so ill.”

 “Yeah, I do. That bit wasn’t tha’ fever talking.”

 “O … okay.”

 “So what’s tha’ other reasons? Ya’ were upset ‘bout somethin’ before I even mentioned Sash today.”

 “N … nothing.”

 Eric pulled away from the hug to look him in the eye. “Don’t give me tha’ shit. Please … ya’ need ta’ tell me. How am I supposed ta’ help ya’ if ya’ won’t tell me what’s wrong?”

 “I … don’t want help.”

 “Kid ….”

 “Just leave me alone!”

 “No. Never. Ya’ was doin’ so well, wha’ happened?”

 “I … I don’t want your help! Just … leave me alone.”

 Eric shook his head, taking in a sharp breath. “How … could I ever do tha’?” Tears began to fall from his eyes. “I … I don’t want ta’ lose ya’. Please … please jus’ tell me wha’ tha’ matter is.”

 Alan felt guilt wash over him from seeing Eric cry. “It … really doesn’t matter.”

 “Yes it does and ya’ know why? Because ya’ matter, ya’ matter so much ta’ me, and it’s not jus’ me. Grell and Ronnie … would be really crushed if somethin’ happened ta’ ya’.”

 “They … wouldn’t.” _Don’t feed me these lies … no matter how sweet they are._

 “Want me ta’ go ge’ them and ask them?! Why … why won’t you believe me? Why … don’t ya’ realise tha’ I’d be crushed if ya’ died?! I’d be … heartbroken!” A sob left him at the end of his sentence.

 “I … never meant to … upset you.”

 “Well wha’ did ya’ expect when ya’ try and do THAT?! How did ya’ expect me ta’ feel? Happy?” Alan nodded slowly. “Oh … Al.” Eric shifted closer to him again, lips pressing to his. Regardless of his currently situation, Alan couldn’t help but kiss back. _His lips are … so nice._ The kiss was ended too soon for either of their likings but Eric had something important to say. “Let’s jus’ start wi’ tha’ first issue then.”

 “What do …you mean?”

 “’Bout thinkin’ tha’ ya’ not good enough ta’ match up to Sash.” He got to his feet. “I had been plannin’ ta’ say somethin’ ta’ him at tha’ visit today.”

 “Where … are you going?”

 “Ta’ ge’ tha’ cream. Can’t go ta’ see him if ya’ still bleeding.”

 “Oh … okay.” _But … Sascha doesn’t want me to be there. I … I’m not good enough._

 Eric was back in the room a minute later, tub of cream in his hand and clean towel held under his armpit. Dropping back onto his knees, he placed the tub on the floor and grabbed the towel, mopping up the excess blood. He then opened the tub of cream, dripping his fingers into the awful looking substance. “This is gonna’ sting a bit.”

 “I … I know.” Alan stated. _Why … did you have to come back? I … I don’t want to be here anymore._ He whimpered slightly as the cream was rubbed into his first slice.

 “Sorry.”

 “It … it’s okay.” _It doesn’t … hurt me half as much as what’s … going on inside of me._

 “Okay.” Eric rubbed a new scoop of cream over the deeper cut. The bleeding stopped almost instantly. “Come on, let’s ge’ ya’ changed so we can go see Sash already.”

 “But … you have work.”

 “Don’t care. This is – ya’ are more important.”

 “Okay.” _You don’t mean that._

\----

  Eric and Alan stood in front of Sascha’s grave. “This … cemetery is really nice.” Alan stated, looking around at the lovely purple trees and flowers surrounding them.

 “It is. I managed ta’ ge’ tha’ best spot for Sash.”

 “That’s … really nice.”

 “Yeah.” Eric’s eyes stayed fix on Sascha’s grave stone. “Hey again … Sash. This is Alan, ya’ know tha’ guy I was tellin’ ya’ so much ‘bout? He’s jus’ as cute as ya’, right?” He smiled.

 “You … shouldn’t say that. It … might hurt his feelings.”

 “Na, he was a pretty laid back guy. Not much could ge’ him down … even when … he got sick. He’d probably agree with me.”

_No … he wouldn’t._

 Eric continued to speak. “I know tha’ ya’ lookin’ down on me and I know tha’ ya’ happy for me. Sash, thank ya’ so much for wha’ ya’ told me tha’ day. Ya’ jus’ want me ta’ be happy, don’t ya’?”

_How does he … know that?_

 Eric smiled again, grabbing Alan’s hand and lifting his arm above his head. “I’ll say it again, this is Alan. Ya’ know tha’ ya’ll always ‘ave a place in my heart no matter what. No one could ever take that away from us.” The grip on Alan’s hand tightened. “But this … is my partner now.” A few happy tears slipped from him. “I really do love him. I love him so much, Sash.”

 Alan stood there in shock. _Eric … why would you say such a thing?_


	14. Owww.

 Three years had passed and Alan was now nineteen years of age. The last few years had been quite tough for both human and reaper, as Alan had suffered a bout of psychosis. The hallucinations and voices had died down again now, Alan having drawn strength from Eric’s support. He’d also grown to accept that Eric did love him completely now, having finally come to terms with the words that had been spoken at Sascha’s grave.

 Things weren’t perfect, as Alan would still suffer from moments of self harming, but he was slowly getting better, very, very slowly. He was definitely happier than he had been in a long time and he thanked Eric for this, dreading to think what his life would have been like if Eric hadn’t have come to save him that night. The truth? He probably would have ended up dying by Jacob’s hands.

\-----

 As the couple settled down for bed that night, Alan turned to Eric. “Umm … Eric?”

 “Yeah babe?” Eric ruffled Alan’s hair softly.

 “Erm … can … we …. you know?”

 “Nope, I don’t. Can we wha’?”

 “Do … it?” Alan blushed intensely. Up until now, Alan had received oral from Eric but had done nothing to the blonde.

 “Eh? Sex?”

 “Y … yeah. I … really want to.”

 “Are ya’ sure? We can wait as long as ya’ need ta’. There’s no pressure or anythin’.”

 “I … I know. I mean … we can stop if … I’m not enjoying it, can’t we?”

 “Yeah, we can but I wanna’ make sure tha’ ya’ really ready for this. I don’t wanna’ do anythin’ tha’ will scare ya’.”

 “I … know but … I love you … and I really want you to make … love to me.”

 Eric nodded slowly. “Alright … we can try.” He got out of bed.

 “Where … are you going?”

 “I got no lube in tha’ house. Gonna’ go out and ge’ some. Ya’ not allergic to anythin’ in it, are ya’?”

 “Not … that I know of.” Alan glanced away. No one had bothered to use any lubrication on him before so he didn’t have a clue.

 “Alright.” Eric grabbed his contact lenses from the drawer in the bedroom and then moved to get changed into day clothes.

 “H … hurry back.”

 “I will.” Eric chuckled. “Don’t fall ta’ sleep while I’m gone.”

 Alan smiled softly. “I … I’ll try not to.”

\----

 Eric returned to the bedroom from his trip out to a 24hour supermarket in the human world and found Alan snuggled up in bed. “Still awake?”

 Alan pushed himself up into a sitting position. “I … I am.”

 “Still wanna’ do this?”

 “I … really do.”

 “Cool.” Eric kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed, dropping the lube on top of the covers and kissing Alan gently on the cheek. His lips trailed down to Alan’s neck, sucking lightly on the skin. The brunette hadn’t felt comfortable with being touched there to begin with but he was now fine with it and let out a soft hum.

 Eric began to scrape his teeth lightly along the pale skin, hand shifting to grace over Alan’s pj bottoms. “Ah … ya’ already rock hard, Al.”

 “I … I know. What … do you expect … when you suck on my neck like that?”

 “True tha’.” The reaper bit down softly on Alan’s neck, earning a small moan from his partner.

 “Hmm … that … feels really nice.” Eric hand slipped under the hem of his pj shirt and slid up to rub against his nipples. “Oh … your hands are cold.”

 Eric pulled his mouth away. “Well it is tha’ end of autumn over in tha’ human world.”

 “Y … yeah it is. We … should go to the winter fair in London before … Christmas.”

 “Yeah sure, don’t see why not.” He rolled Alan’s nipple between his fingers.

 “A … ahhh.”

 “Ya’ like tha’?”

 “I … really do. Can … I lie … down?”

 “Sure ya’ can, babe.”

 Alan shifted down onto his back under the covers, which were soon pulled away, Eric lying on top of him lightly, body braced against his elbows. He moved his weight onto one elbow, hand pushing Alan’s shirt up again and then he shifted down, lips pressing to Alan’s stomach.

 “Hmm … Eric.”

 _Damn, Al’s so cute when he’s moaning like that._ Eric moved down again, kissing the skin just above the waist band of Alan’s pj bottoms.

 “E … Eric … hurry up.”

 “Ya’ sound really nervous babe, ya’ alright?”

 “I … I’m okay, I … just … can’t wait any longer.”

 “Hey … we can’t rush this.” Eric teased, pulling Alan’s bottoms down slightly and nibbling on the area of skin over his hips bones.

 “Ah … oh.” _Eh … weird. Sash used to like being touched there._ “Eric … please, touch … me.”

 “Ya’ really can’t wait, can ya’?” Eric smirked.

 “N … no, not … any longer.”

 “Aww.” Eric sat up between Alan’s legs, grabbing onto his pj bottoms. “Lift ya’ hips for me.”

 “O … okay.” Alan did so and Eric eased them down, fingers stroking against Alan’s sides. “Ah … Eric, more!”

\-----

 The two were now naked, Alan panting softly on the bed. Eric lifted one ankle onto his shoulder, coated fingers stroking around Alan’s entrance. He felt the human tense. “Ya’ still okay ta’ be doin’ this?”

 “I … I am.”

 “Alright, jus’ try ta’ relax.”

 “I … am trying.” Eric continued to rub around Alan’s entrance for a little while longer. “Eric … okay, I’m … ready.”

 “Sure?”

 “Y … yes.” Eric nodded and slid the first finger in slowly. “Nnnn.”

 “Tha’ hurtin’ ya’?”

 “No … it’s just … uncomfortable. Your … fingers are … really thick.”

 “Yeah … true tha’.” Eric moved his finger forwards and backwards against Alan’s heat. After a few minutes, he felt Alan relax around him and pushed the second finger inside.

 “Oww … n … no.” Alan’s eyes began to fill with tears.

 “Want me ta’ stop?”

 “N … no. Can … you just … keep them still … for a bit?”

 “Of course I can.”

 Alan wriggled around slightly, trying to get used to the intrusion. After a minute or so, he said “okay … c …carry on.” Eric nodded and began to thrust his fingers against the tight heat. “Hmm … that … feels good.”

 “Awesome.” Eric smiled, pulling his fingers out to the tips. He grabbed the lube and added more to his digits before sliding them back in deeply.

 “Ah … m … more.” Eric bent his fingers up, causing a loud moan to slip from Alan. “T … there.”

 “Sweet.” Eric rubbed against the same spot in Alan, the brunette pushing his hips down onto Eric’s hand. After five minutes or so, Eric asked “it okay ta’ move on?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 Eric’s fingers were pulled almost all the way out, the third slipping back in to join the other digits. “Feel alright?”

 “It … feels so … good.”

 “Good.” _I’m so glad that I’m not hurting him._

_\-----_

 Long preparation now over, Alan’s hips were lifted up onto a pillow, Eric shifting between his legs. The lube was used liberally and Eric pressed his tip to Alan’s entrance. “Ya’ sure tha’ ya’ ready? We can stop here for today if ya’ want.”

 “N … no. I … I want this.”

 “Okay.” Eric pressed inside as slowly as possible, causing Alan to shriek.

 “Al?”

 “That … friggin’ … hurts.”

 “Then I’ll stop.”

 “N … no. Just … go in … all the way and … then let me get used to it. P … please.”

 “But I’m hurtin’ ya’.”

 “It’s … going to. You’re … massive!”

 “Hah, thanks.”

 “It … won’t hurt for … a long time, will it?”

 “I … dunno, Al.”

 Alan sniffed. “If … it hurts … for much longer, then I … I’d like you … to stop.”

 “But for now?”

 “C … carry on.”

 “Alright. Tell me ta’ stop at any point though.”

 “T … thank you.” Eric pushed to fill Alan completely. “Oooh … b … big.”

 “Not hurtin’ too much?”

 “I … just need to get … used to it.”

 Eric moved forward, lying on Alan lightly and kissing him to try to distract him. After a short period of time, he felt Alan moving against him and groaned, pulling his lips away. “Ah … fuck, ya’ really tight.”

 “C … can you … start moving?”

 “Yeah, course I can.” Eric began to move his hips slowly, sliding in and out of his partner.

 “Hmm … ahh.”

 “Feelin’ good?”

 “Y … yeah. Faster … please.”

 “Alright.” Eric’s thrust increased in speed and intensity.

 “Oh … hmmm … ahh.” Alan’s spot was pressed against and he cried out. “E … Eric!”

 “T … this feels … hnn … amazin’, Al.”

 “Hmm.”

 Eric moved back to kiss him as they both came closer to climaxing. Alan came first, nails digging into Eric’s back as the blonde’s hand moved down to pump him, helping him through his orgasm. The clenching of Alan’s heat around him sent Eric crashing over the edge and he groaned against Alan’s mouth, hips thrusting messily through his climax.

 They both lay there, kissing and cuddling for a little while before Eric moved away. “Ya’ alright, Al?”

 “Hmm … sleepy.”

 “We gotta’ go ge’ cleaned up first, so don’t fall ta’ sleep yet.”

 “Can … we go for a bath together?”

 Eric smiled and drew closer to kiss Alan’s forehead. As he pulled away, he said “now that’s wha’ I like ta’ hear.”

 “Y … yeah. We need to … do that more often.”

 Eric grinned. “I really like tha’ sound of tha’.”


	15. A linger to stop you in your tracts.

 Almost a decade had passed, Alan a few weeks short of his twenty eighth birthday. He’d been self harm free for almost five years, having come to terms with what had happened to his family. He no longer blamed himself for their deaths, though didn’t think it useful to blame his father either. His old man had also been mentally ill, though it had manifested in a different way to Alan’s own illness.

 It just hurt to know that this situation could have been prevented, if only the doctors had listened to Alan’s mother when she’d taken his father to see them before his violent side truly began to show.

 Alan knew that he’d never be able to forget what happened to him during the first half of his life but he was starting to move on, enjoying his new life with Eric.

\----

 “Eric, that … tickles!” Alan giggled as Eric’s hands slipped under his shirt, fingers gracing over the skin above his ribs. “S … stop it!”

 “Hell no.” The movement quickened.

 “Eric!”

 “Eh … fine.” Eric moved to lie on top of him, kissing his neck tenderly.

 “Hmm … don’t make … me horny. You need to go to … work soon.”

 “How’s ‘bout a quickie then?” The reaper smirked.

 “I’d … like -.” Alan’s words were cut off by sudden hoarse coughing.

 “Al, ya’ alright?” Alan continued to cough and Eric got off of him, pulling him back into a sitting position and rubbing his back. “I’ll go ge’ ya’ some water.”

 Alan nodded his thanks as his chest continued to heave.

\----

 Coughing fit now over, Eric asked “Feelin’ better?”

 “Y … yeah.”

 “Got enough left in ya’ inhaler jus’ in case it’s ya’ asthma flarin’ up? It’s been a while since ya’ got a new one from tha’ docs.”

 “I … haven’t had to use it … very much so it’s still pretty full.”

 “Alright. I gotta’ ge’ ta’ work anyway.”

 “Eric, wait ….”

 “Yeah?”

 “I … I was wondering, how … do humans become reapers?”

 “Why are ya’ askin’ tha’?”

 “Because I’m getting … older every day while you … don’t age at all. I’ll … die before you.”

 “Not for a really long time, Al.”

 “But … I want to become and reaper and … spend forever with you. How … did I do that?”

 “Can’t tell ya’, sorry babe.”

 “W … why not?”

 “Because if I told ya’ and ya’ acted on my advice, I’d mean a one way ticket ta’ hell for me. Says so in tha’ reaper rulebook.”

 “Oh. I … don’t want to be a reaper if you’re not … here with me.”

 “And I don’t think tha’ ya’ would be good as a reaper. Ya’ ‘ave been through enough wi’out spendin’ centuries watchin’ people’s dyin’ moments. It’d probs really fuck wi’ ya’ head.”

 “Y … you have a point. I … never thought about … that.”

 “Yeah. I gotta’ go ta’ work anyway. Call me if ya’ need anythin’.”

 “O … okay.”

\-----

***Five months later***

 “Al, this has gone on for long enough. Go ta’ tha’ docs already.” Eric said, referring to the coughing and wheezing that had been getting progressively worse for Alan.

 “B … but I hate … doctors.” Alan replied breathlessly.

 “I don’t care. Ya’ need ta’ ge’ a new inhaler anyway and if ya’ still wheezy, ya’ obvs need ta’ be put on another inhaler too.”

 “W … will you come with me?”

 “I can’t right now wi’ all tha’ overtime tha’ Will’s been shovin’ onto me.” An eight to eight shift during the weekdays was definitely not fun.

 “O … oh.”

 “But I’ll drop ya’ off there and give ya’ some money so tha’ ya’ keep ya’self occupied for a bit in London. Then I’ll pick ya’ up again later.”

 “O … okay.”

 “So ya’ll go?”

 Alan smiled softly. “You’re … just going to … keep bugging me … if I don’t.”

 “Damn straight.”

\-----

 Eric dropped Alan off in front of the doctor’s surgery. “£50 enough for ya’?”

 “It’s more … than enough.” Alan replied. “How long … will you be gone?”

 Eric checked his watch, seeing that it was a little before 11am. “I’ll come and pick ya’ up at two when I’m on dinner break.”

 “That’s … a long time.”

 “Then I’ll give ya’ some more money so -.”

 “No, I don’t even need this much. I … I’m just going to get … some cake from the café’ and then I’ll go to the library. Pick … me up from there?”

 “Sure. Chocolate cake?”

 “Yep.”

 “Sweet.” Eric kissed Alan on the forehead. “I’ll see ya’ later and I love ya’.”

 “I love … you too.”

 “And don’t forget ta’ tell them everythin’. Tha’ wheezing, chest pain and cough.”

 “I … I will.”

\----

 Eric walked into the library, finding Alan in the manga section, right where he was expecting the human to be. He tapped Alan on the shoulder, making the poor lad almost jump out of his skin. “Sorry, Al.”

 “It … it’s okay.” Alan turned around on his chair to face him.

 “Wha’ did tha’ doctor say?”

 “Well ….”

 “Al?”

 “I told them that … my cough has been happening … for like four or five months and they … are referring me … on for a scan and tests.”

 “Eh, why?”

 “I … I’m not sure.”

 “When’s ya’ scan and stuff happenin’?”

 “In two days’ time. I have … to go to the hospital.”

 “Woah … that’s soon.”

 “The quicker … they sort it out, the better … I guess.”

\-----

 A week after the tests and scans had been completed, Alan had been summoned for a consultation at the hospital. Eric had decided to skip work to accompany him, knowing that William would probably have his head once he found out. Still, he’d rather be there for Alan at this present moment.

 “I … I have really bad back pain.” Alan stated as the pair walked down the hallway of the hospital.

 “I’m not surprised wi’ all tha’ coughin’ ya’ been doin’. It shakes ya’ whole body.”

 “But … it’s in my hips and pelvis … too.”

 “Well, at least we’re here now and we can ge’ ya’ sorted.”

 “Y … yeah, I just … hope that it’s nothing bad.”

\------

 “So doc, what’s up wi’ Al?” Eric asked, blue contact lenses in place.

 “Y … yeah, did you find anything?” Alan added.

 The doctor looked between them. “I am afraid that your scan has shown up that you have Lung Cancer.”

 “W … what?” Alan stared at him.

 “But ya’ can cure it, right?” Eric asked.

 “I am sorry to say that it had progressed too far.”

 “What?!”

 “The cancer has spread to Mr Humphries’ bones and has begun to spread to his nervous system.”

 “T … that’s why … my back hurts.”

 “That is the most likely cause, yes. I really am sorry.”

 Eric’s fists clenched in his lap. “Ya’ … ya’ can’t jus’ not do anythin’!”

 “Any treatment now would be of no benefit.”

 “Ya’ gotta’ be -.”

 “Eric.” Alan gulped. “It … is what … it is.” He eyed the doctor. “How … long do I have left?”

 “It is hard to say, though one to two months would be the best estimate.”

 “No!” Eric seethed. “I … I can’t lose him! I … can’t!”

 Alan froze in his seat. _Just … two months. That’s too soon. That’s far too soon …._


	16. Making a contract with a demon.

 A sudden whoosh signalled the couple’s return home. As soon as Eric’s feet touched the carpet of his living room, his legs gave out, a sob leaving him as his knees hit the floor. “E … Eric.” The brunette stooped down in front of him, pulling him into a hug.

 “T … this can’t be fuckin’ happenin’! This … is jus’ like wha’ tha’ thorns were. It’s spreadin’ … jus’ like tha’!”

 “We -.”

 “I can’t believe tha’ they’re not even … tryin’ ta’ help ya’!”

 Alan pulled back, fingers cupping at Eric’s cheek. His thumb rubbed over the slight stubble in a soothing manner. “T … there is nothing … they can do, Eric.”

 “B … but … but -.” Eric squeezed his eyes shut, tears flicking away from the corners of his lids.

 “We … need to … make the most of the time we … have left.”

 “There’s gotta’ be … somethin’ I can do ta’ … stop this.”

 “There isn’t.”

 Eric nodded slowly against his hand, before grabbing onto Alan and hugging him tightly. “Ya’ … can’t die … anytime … soon, okay? Fuck wha’ tha’ … doctor said. He doesn’t … know … shit.”

 “Y … you really … think that I’m … just going to … go down without a fight? I … I’m going to … hold on for as long as I can, Eric. That’s … a promise.”

 “I … I’m goin’ ta’ … hold ya’ ta’ tha’.”

 “P … please do.”

\-----

 A month had passed and the pain was beginning to get unbearable for Alan. His back, legs and shoulders constantly ached and his chest felt torn from such raking coughing. Today, Alan was scheduled to go to the hospital for a different set of painkillers. Co-codamol just wasn’t cutting it anymore.

 “Ya’ sure tha’ ya’ don’t want me ta’ come in wi’ ya’?” Eric asked as ported them both to the front of the hospital.

 “It … will just upset … you, Eric. I … I’ll be okay.”

 “Are ya’ sure? Ya’ can barely walk.”

 “Eric … please, let me … do this on my own.”

 “Alright. I’ll pick ya’ up in an hour?”

 “P … please.”

 “Aright.”

\----

 As Alan left the hospital, planning to get something to drink from the café, he heard a voice from behind him. “Oh … well aren’t you a sickly one, tehehehe.”

 Alan slowly turned around, seeing two figures standing in front of him. One had light grey hair and piercing green eyes, the other reddish brown eyes and jet black hair. “Y … you’re a shinigami ….” Alan stated.

 “Ohh … aren’t you so clever.”

 “The life force does seem to be slipping from him rather quickly.” The figure with black hair said, his eyes glowing slightly.

 “W … what are … you?” Alan stammered, backing up slightly.

 “Sweet Bassy is a demon.” The shinigami giggled. “and he’s come to offer you a deal, yes he has.”

 “W … what deal?”

 “My name is Sebastian and I can extend your life by five years, for a price.” Sebastian moved forward, stroking a hand along Alan’s cheek. “It really is a pity to be dying so young. If only you had gone to the doctor’s office sooner, you would have been cured.”

 “H … how did you know t …. that?”

 “Demons know a lot of strange things.” Sebastian’s accomplish giggled again.

 “If … I agree to this … deal, what … is the price?”

 “Your soul.” Sebastian stated simply. “It seems like a fair price.”

 “N … no. I -.”

 “You wouldn’t want to make Tricky Ricky all sad now, would you?” Another giggle. “He’s already lost one lover. At least spend a little longer with him.”

 “W … what’s the point in … that?” _He … must know Eric. Is … he the deserter that … made Eric get attacked all … those years back?_

 “Excuse me?” Sebastian asked.

 “I’m going … to die anyway. I’m … not letting … my soul be … taken by a demon.” _And I’ve … done bad things in my life but … making a contract with a demon … is just evil. If Eric … found out, it would … really hurt him._

 “Now are you quite sure? Seems to me that you only have fifteen days left before the Cancer takes you. Quite a speedy progression indeed.”

 “I … I’m sure. J … just leave me alone.”

 “Oooh, he’s feistier than I though.” The grey haired man stated, a wide grin on his face. “Guess you will have to find another soul to taste.”

 “Pity. If you change your mind, a drop of blood from your palm with be enough to summon me again.” Sebastian’s hand lifted to Alan’s forehead and then the human’s world faded to black.

\-----

 Alan woke up slowly, hearing a machine beeping at his side. “Shit Al, ya’ really had me scared! Wha’ happened?!”

 Alan turned his head to look at Eric. “I … I just blacked out.”

 “D … does tha’ mean … tha’ it’s spread ta’ ya’ brain?” Eric’s face twisted into an agonised expression, tears slipping from him.

 “I … I’m not sure.” _I think that … that demon … made me black out._ If only Alan realised that Sebastian had caused his condition to worsen, raising the stakes and hoping that it would make Alan agree to the contract. Six days, just six pitiful days left to his life. “Oh … the doctor … has put me on … morphine capsules, so … the pain won’t … be as bad now.”

 “G … good.” Eric gulped.

 Alan lay still in the bed. _I … don’t need a demon’s contract. I … can overcome this … myself. I will … find out how to become a reaper – somehow. I’m … not leaving Eric’s heart … to break for a second time._


	17. On the sixth day, the bell tolls to your demise.

***Day two ***

 Alan lay snuggled up to Eric in bed, small whimpers coming from him. Even the morphine seemed to have little effect on his pain now. Eric held onto him gently, lips giving tender love to Alan’s cheek and forehead. “Ya’ … gettin’ worse.”

 Alan gazed at him, the light of beautiful hazel eyes turning dimmer with every hour that seemed to pass. “I … I know.” His left arm felt completely numb and weak, a sure sign that the Cancer had taken hold fully in his nervous system.

 “Ya’ promised me tha’ ya’ …,”Eric’s eyed filled with tears, a lump in his throat having to be swallowed back down, “tha’ ya’ wouldn’t be … leavin’ me anytime … soon.”

 Alan nodded slightly, right hand reaching up to stroke against Eric’s lips, fingers trailing down to touch a strong jawline. “And … I am trying … Eric, I … I’m really trying.” The last word was almost lost to a strong cough, his whole body shaking. He whined softly at the end of his coughing and Eric scooped him up, resting him in his lap. One arm wrapped around Alan’s side, the other rubbing his back as gently as he possibly could.

 “I … know, Al. I know tha’ ya’ tryin’ ya’ … hardest for me.”

 Alan’s voice came out hoarse. “And … for m … me too. I … don’t … want … to … be … parted from you … anytime soon.

\-----

***Day four ***

 Alan awoke to find himself on the floor that afternoon while Eric was at work. He’d gone to get himself a glass of water when he’d blacked out. Sitting up, he whimpered softly. _My … bum … really hurts._ He struggled to standing, legs shaky, almost all strength in them having been diminished. A sudden cough racked him, hand rising to cover his mouth. As he pulled it away,  his eyes fixed on the bright red blood coating his palm. _Oh … c …crap. I … might only … have a week left …._

_\----_

***Day five ***

 Grell came into Eric’s office. “How is Alan doing, darling?”

 “He’s … not great.”

 “Well why don’t you tell him how to become a reaper?”

 “Losin’ him is gonna’ be hell enough, I don’t … want ta’ go ta’ actual hell.”

 “OOHHH, I almost forgot about that little rule.”

 “Y … yeah.” Eric scribbled a few words down on his paperwork.

 “Then get some stupid sod to tell him.”

 “No.”

 “Why ever not?”

 “Al’s not becomin’ a reaper. It’d … destroy him havin’ ta’ take lives. If … he’s gotta’ go, I want him ta’ at least be a peace.”

 “You underestimate the boy. He’s made of tougher stuff than -.” Grell paused when her phone rang and she pulled it out. At seeing the caller ID, she said “I have an important phone call to take, darling” and quickly left the room.

\----

***Day six***

 Eric’s office door was opened, a colleague coming into the room. “Oh, thank goodness that you’re here.” Tim stated. “You live with the human, Mr Humphries, do you not?”

Eric’s head shot up. “Y … yeah?”

“His time is up in a few, I thought you should know that.” Eric darted over to him and ripped the case file from his hands. “What are you -.”

 “It has to be me who does this.” Eric stated, before grabbing his scythe and porting away.

 “Wait Slingby – there’s something – dammit!”

\-----

 Eric rushed into the bedroom, sure that he would find Alan there. The brunette had collapsed onto the floor, weak cries leaving him. “W … who’s … there?”

 Eric stooped down next to him, one arm lifting him and the other scooping around Alan’s back to support him. “Eric.”

 “M … my eyesight … is starting … to … go … all … f … funny.” Eric swallowed thickly. It had most certainly reached his brain now. “Am … I … about … to die, E … Eric?”

 The reaper let out a sniff. “A … few minutes, babe.”

 A sob wracked Alan’s body. “W … will I ever see y … you again?”

 “Yeah, one day.” Eric lifted Alan up further, pecking his lips softly.

 As his lips pulled away, Alan whimpered weakly. “I … feel … sick.”

 “You’ll … be alright in a lil’ bit.”

 Alan nodded slightly. “I … I know.” His eyes began to slip shut. “I … I don’t … think I have … minutes.”

 A hand reached up to sooth Alan’s hair. “Shhhh.”

 “W … will it be … you?”

 “Ta’ reap ya’? Y … yeah.” A sob left Eric. “No one … else was gonna’ … touch ya’ at a time like … this.”

 “G … good. N … none … else is as … gentle … as ….” Alan’s breathing began to slow and Eric, with a sink in the pit of his stomach, realised that it was time.

 “I … I love ya’.”

 “M … me too. B … be gentle.”

 “I … I can’t Al, it … it doesn’t work like tha’.”

 “W … what?”

 “I need … ta’ – a small cut … won’t do. I … don’t want bits of … ya’ record left around or … ya’ won’t be at peace.”

 “O … oh. Then … just … don’t … let me … go.”

 “I’m gonna’ ‘ave ya’ … in my arms all tha’ way through, I … promise.”

 “G … good.”

 Eric scythe was summoned into his spare hand, arm lifted to grab just above the blade. “I’m … sorry, Al.”

 “D … don’t – n … not … fault.” Alan’s words were getting jumbled now. It was driven harshly into the human’s chest. He let out a sharp of agony, eyes flying open. “H … hurts.”

 The scythe was laid on the floor; Eric knew that Alan wouldn’t let his cinematic record attack him in any way. Alan was lifted up, Eric getting onto the bed with him in his arms. A hand gripped as tightly as could be onto Eric’s shirt, Alan letting out gasps and gags, whole body shaking.

 The reaper rocked him gently, trying to hold back his own sobs so he could comfort the man in his arms with small words. “It’s … alright, Al. It’ll … be over soon.” Alan began to convulse. “I  … I love ya’. I’ll always love ya’.” Eric couldn’t contain his sobs as he saw Alan’s cinematic record entering his scythe, fleeing the dying man’s body. He didn’t need to watch it; he knew all of the awful details of his early life. “I … love … ya’ … so … so much.”

 Eric had lost Sascha and gained him back in his second reincarnation, just to lose him again. Eric didn’t realise it, but cruel irony had struck, breaking his heart into two for a second time; shattering his life once more.


	18. Free.

 It was a tick of Eric’s watch that first filled the silence of the room, Eric feeling deafened by the tiny noise. He was in complete and utter shock. Where Alan lay a moment ago, thin air was all that his eyes fixed upon. _N … no, he … he didn’t …._

 The blonde reaper scrambled off of the bed, grabbing Alan’s case file. The report was pulled from the envelope, Eric’s two toned orbs skimming over it at a lick. **Alan Humphries: Time of death: 1.31pm. Date of death: 23 rd June, 2023. Cause of death: Suicide. Overdose. **

 The file fell from Eric’s hands, unsigned, unstamped. _Al …._

\-----

 Eric appeared in the hospital wing of the reaper academy and scanned the beds, finding his partner soundly asleep on the one nearest to the window. “Sir, Sir, you are not supposed to be in here.” A female member of staff stated, giving Eric’s coat a tug. “This is for academy staff members and new reapers only. Sir, Sir!”

 The blonde ripped himself away from her, “that’s my partner, I’m not fuckin’ leavin’,” and closed the gap between him and the bed. Alan’s blood stained shirt was grabbed onto, Eric shaking him roughly. “Oi, Al, fuckin’ wake up!”

 “Hmm … Pizza.”

 “No one gives a shit ‘bout pizza right now, wake up!”

 “Hmmm … so … loud.” Alan’s eyelids parted, gorgeous hazel eyes changed into ringed orbs from behind his glasses. “E … Eric? You’re all … fuzzy.”

 “Yeah, ‘cause ya’ need stronger … glasses now that – Al, why didn’t ya’ tell me?!” A tear ran down Eric’s cheek, meeting with the trail that had not yet dried from previous sobs.

“Tell you … what?”

 “Suicide?” Eric let out a shaking breath and clambered onto the bed, pulling Alan up into a tight hug. His chin rested on the top of Alan’s head. “Y … ya’ should ‘ave told me tha’ – I … I thought tha’ I’d lost ya’ for good.” A sob was heard. “D … don’t scare … me like tha’!”

 “It … really worked? I’m … still alive? This … isn’t a dream?”

 “Does it look and feel like a fuckin’ dream?!”

 “N … nope.”

 “Ya’ … really should ‘ave told me.”

 “N … no. I wasn’t … even sure myself that it would work … and I didn’t want to hear that I’d really be … dying. It … felt better to … be hopeful and unsure.”

 “Wha’ … stupid … sod told ya’ ‘bout … how ta’ become a reaper?”

 “No … one. It … was just a guess. Something … that you said the day that … I asked you made me think … that being a reaper was … some kind of punishment. So … then I thought about … what sin a human could … commit to become … a reaper.”

 “R … right, tha’ morphine?”

 “And … Zopiclone.”

 “W … wha’? Ya’ … weren’t on tha’?”

 “I asked Grell to … sneak some from the pharmacy after … it closed. Told her … that I couldn’t sleep because of … the pain.”

 “Shit … Al. She could ‘ave been sent ta’ hell for tha’!”

 “But … she didn’t … know it was for suicide. I … think that my … lie was pretty convincing when … I told it. I … faked cried and … everything because … I didn’t want anyone … to get in trouble for helping … me.”

 “S … sneaky bugger.”

 “I … did what … I felt I had to do to … stay at your side. I … felt … that I was … going to die today or … tomorrow.”

 “Na, ya’ wouldn’t -.”

 “I … started coughing up blood … a few days.”

 “Ya’ didn’t tell me tha’!”

 “Because … I didn’t want to … make you cry.” The brunette sniffed. “But … I got so scared then … and I … I … had to … try to … stay by your side.” He dissolved into tears. “P … please don’t … be mad at me. I … didn’t want to … hide things from you.”

 Eric’s grip on him tightened. “I’m … not mad but fuck, don’t … scare me like tha’ again!”

 “I … I won’t, I … promise.”

 Eric tried to break the tension with a joke. “Ya’ a lil’ shit, aren’t ya’?”

 “M … maybe. Can … I have a … kiss now?”

 Eric pulled back and tried to smile as best he could. “Of … course ya’ can.” _I thought that I’d never get to kiss ya’ again._ Even the hostile staff member was getting choked up at the touching scene.

 Their lips met, Alan’s hands tightening on the back of Eric’s coat. _You … feel so warm, Eric. Please … always keep me warm. Always … keep me safe._

_\----_

 “Nice scythe ya’ got there, babe.” Eric said. Alan had now completed his training and was about to embark on his first assignment.

 “T … thanks.”

 “Nervous?”

 “Nope.” Alan paused for a moment. “But … there is something … confusing me.”

 “What’s tha’?”

 “Rudgar.”

 Eric’s brow furrowed. “Ya’ wha’?”

 “Rudgar. His … name makes me feel … sad and I have no … idea why. But … I know … I loved him once.”

 “S … Sash?”

 “But then … there’s a memory of a … train crash.”

 “A train crash?”

 “But … I … died of thorns, right?” Alan pouted. “I’m … really confused, Eric.”

 “Al -.”

 “The train crash … was the … day before I was born. And then … I was … was born into that second body … sixty two … years ago?” Eric just stood there, a little confused and overwhelmed. “Eric … when I met … you in 1900, I was … a girl, wasn’t I?”

 “Sascha … was transgender, Al. A transgender guy.”

 Alan rubbed his head. “Y … you’re talking … to Sascha.”

 And finally the penny dropped for Eric. _Reincarnation?_

 “Sash, is … tha’ really you?”

 “No, it’s … me and Sascha … all rolled into one, erm … I think?”

 _Holy … shit._ Eric’s scythe slipped from his hand and clattered to the rooftop that the couple were standing on. He rushed forward, squeezing Alan with all of his might. “Oh God, Al, I … I can’t believe this.”

 “Neither can I, daddy bear.”

 “I love ya’, whatever … form ya’ in.”

 Alan smiled softly. “I love you too … Eric.”

 Eric had gained his lover back just to almost lose him again, and all of that time, he’d not had a clue. No wonder he’d fallen for Alan. He’d been Sascha right from the start.

 Their fate was now sealed in stone; never again to be parted. Love to the very end of time.


End file.
